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Looking after ourselves

ferngully
Casual Contributor

Coping with being excluded / pushed away

My partner who I live with has been in hospital for the last week (involuntarily) after experiencing psychosis and a manic episode. When I called the ambulance, she told them that I had been abusing her and we were in a domestic violence situation (this isn't true and I have tried to not take this personally). 

 

In recent days, I have been able to speak to her briefly each day, she sounded like her usual self and I thought she was on the mend. However, when I called to speak to her this morning, I was told that she had asked yesterday that I am not to be talked to and she was unavailable to talk to me. This has shattered me. I am so scared she believes I've hurt her and that I'm not a safe person. I know the journey to recovery can be long but I love her so deeply with all of my heart and want to be there, but will also respect giving her space if that's what she needs.

 

Has anyone been in this situation before? How did you cope? Did you still try to connect each day?

13 REPLIES 13

Re: Coping with being excluded / pushed away

@ferngully 

 

That sounds really hard, were there any signs before the episode that things were wrong?

Re: Coping with being excluded / pushed away

Hi @AussieRecharger … with the relationship? No. These claims came on during the episode because I was trying to get her help. 

Re: Coping with being excluded / pushed away

@ferngully 

Sounds like a very challenging and unfair situation.

I would be letting go a bit, shoring up your own inner defences, and reaching out less often. 

Possibly she will have a change of heart and realisations.

She might have an inflated sense of security with the medical attention. idk

Take care of you as you take stock.

Re: Coping with being excluded / pushed away

Hi @ferngully ,

 

Thank you for your post. I can see you feel and care very much for your partner.

 

Have you spoken the treating team about the situation? I think it is actually quite common - I heard it happen a lot. That is, during an 'episode' they turn against their loved ones. 

 

Do you think it is your partner's condition that is causing this? 

 

Among it all, do you have a support network for yourself and someone to speak to?

 

Look forward to hearing from you,

tyme

Re: Coping with being excluded / pushed away

Hey @ferngully 

 

I wonder what happened for it all to just change one day?  What is it about your partner that you love about her?  Does she have other family and friends for support at this time?  

How are you taking care of yourself at this time?  How are you managing your worries? 

Re: Coping with being excluded / pushed away

I have been excluded from seeing my adult daughter, and 2 grandchildren for 3 months.

She is very ill with major depression and has been in hospital for most of last year.

we communicate by text and if I express my sadness at this situation she sends me loving and supporting texts!!  Neither her treatment team or her husband will communicate with us, so we feel we are being punished for something but don’t know what.

We have always had a very close and loving relationship, and have looked after her children since they were born. 
Has anyone else experienced this?

Re: Coping with being excluded / pushed away

Thanks everyone for your messages. I'll try my best to answer. 

 

My understanding is that my partner might be "splitting" (BPD term) although she hasn't been diagnosed with BPD. Her delusions are firmly against me and she believes I've assaulted her (there has never been any violence or abuse in our relationship). The hospital aren't able to speak to me because I've been excluded as a contact and told me that I am her ex-partner (I'm still very much her partner wanting to love and support her through this). She's been leaving me voicemails asking to talk but I haven't been able to return the calls because I'm terrified she is going to say all these things about me, contact my work or ask the police to investigate me for something that's completely untrue. I want to correct the information but from my research, talking about delusions with someone can further cement them and I'm scared that this will escalate. 

 

Does anyone have any resources or advice on how to learn to talk to someone in a delusional state? 

 

As to what I love about her, she's honestly the love of my life, my teammate, and we've been working to be aligned to pursue the simple and beautiful things in life together. We've always had a gentle, calm, steady, comfortable and secure relationship filled with love and care. Then this all changed in the space of 3 days last week. It's a difficult situation because I love her so much and I'm in our home looking after it and our pets, wanting to rewind back to a week ago and be in our home living our dream life again. 

 

I have great professional and personal support. I'm trying my best to focus on the day to day (eating, sleep, exercise). I know i can't control this situation. 

 

 

Re: Coping with being excluded / pushed away

Hi @Averil, welcome to the forums community 😊 It sounds like a frustrating, confusing, and painful situation you're dealing with. 

 

I'm wondering if you have any support for yourself? I know at least from my own experience that our care might not be the first thing we think of when we're focused on a loved one's mental health- but there are certainly impacts on us too, and we often need some extra support 💗

 

 

 

 

Hi @ferngully, I am aware of a resource that might interest you: Mental Health First Aid Australia's guidelines on supporting a loved one experiencing psychosis. It's a fairly lengthy document, but I believe helpful and necessary in order to unpack a complex mental health experience with nuance, detail, and sensitivity. I hope it can be helpful to you in informing how you can approach your next conversations with her 

 

It's really good to hear that you have great personal and professional supports around you, and that you're focusing on just what you need to get through each day. I wish you the very best; and the option of support is there for you any step of the way you need 🌻

Re: Coping with being excluded / pushed away

So tonight my heart is shattered and I'm struggling with grief. My loved one was discharged, came home when I wasn't here, took our pets and left. Blocked me. Called in a manic state, broke up with me and said she never wanted to see or hear from me again. We'd been talking fine for the week prior to this happening and were so optimistic about recovery together so I was completely hit unexpectedly. Everyone around her is telling me to move on and organising her vacate from our home. I know this is for the best but I am so hurt and confused. We were so in love and happy but then I get her admitted to hospital and she just doesn't come home and I'm meant to not see her ever again, not get to say goodbye. Everywhere I look, I just see all the beautiful things she brought to our home. For weeks I held things together, looked after myself, the pets and house, made myself strong and ready for her to come home and be comfortable. I can't fathom this not being our home anymore. I know you can't make sense of mental health at times but I feel like I'm really stuck on trying to make sense of it all. 

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