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MoonGal
Senior Contributor

A beautiful problem

Hello forumy friends and neighbours,

It has been a while since I posted, so much has happened in my life and I have been reeling with it all. Seems strange to say that my Total and Permanent Disability claim (via super insurance) being won and paid out would be anything but a 'problem';. The culmination of four of the hardest and toughest mental/stress years I have been through - and I have been through A LOT in my life, like all of us. So - a good payout into my Super has secured me and my partners future. All those years of worrying about how we were going to cope, pay off the house etc. I feel bad writing about this because I know and acknowledge many of us living with MI do not have the resources I have. AND - it is still my life and I have to cope within my circumstances.

Within about 5 weeks of thinking that my insurance case was all over and paid out and I could just adjust to the new reality of being 'retired' due to phsyical and psychiatric illness - I was blindsided by a call from my lawyers. I was informed that further to my TPD claim the insurers would also pay out Income Maintenence (at 75% of an everage of the last 5 years earnings - at that time I was a seniour manager and earning a motza, stressed to the max by the responsibility, but managing to do it back then). They have paid me five years back pay, need medical attendant forms for a further 2 years for a second lump sum and then ongoing a monthly 'wage' until I am 65... Mind Blown.

Now, I am so releived because it means my darling partner who has worked her butt off to support both of us no question for the past 7 years will be able to retire in two years instead of 10 years away - that alone is the biggest gift of all of this...

Then. I am left with me, trying desperately to reframe my life, current, and future - having to front up to my GP once every three months (although I really do not know how often the income manintence requirement to provide certificates actually is YET). and to have to 'revisit' month in month out or whatever timeline it is - that I am totally - irrevocably "broken".

It seems to me that even being antsy or upset about this is somewhat wierd. When I see so many people living with MI struggling to make ends meet, live in housing, etc - but, there you have it - I DO feel anxious about having to constantly 'prove' I am sick and mad. 

I have made an appointment with the excellent psychologist I had eighteen sessions with over the last few years - I stopped seeing her last November, to talk about all of this and try to find an internal locus of control for it all. So have done something positive today by reaching out to her, seeing her Thursday. But right now I am feeling tossed about on stormy seas and desperately trying to get some equilibrium. 

15 REPLIES 15

Re: A beautiful problem

Hi MoonGal,

Sounds like a lot has been going through your mind lately. What a relief to have some financial safety for you and your partner, but on the other hand I hear how challenging it would be to have to constantly revisit things and "prove" your situation. I can see you trying to acknowledge the positives in your situation though. Keep focusing on those small achievements like contacting your psychologist Smiley Happy

Re: A beautiful problem

@MoonGal - congratulations on a long hard won win. So pleased TPI has finally been approved. Don't feel guilty or anything else, because a win for you - brings hope of a win for me and many others.
Because they are going to pay your wage (or appercentage of it) to you until you reach 65 - you need your gp or psychiatrist to fill in a form stating you are unwell. It's a ridiculous amount system. It's frustrating having to do it. But it's the system we have to work within.
So there may be times when doing this - riles you up. And other times you don't mind having to do this. Like our MI journeys - it's an up and down journey.
You have every right to be angered or annoyed by this requirement. Just because you may be better off financially, doesn't mean that your MI and feelings are less important than anyone else's.
Again am very happy that part of your fight is over.

Re: A beautiful problem

Hi @MoonGal well congrats but I'd suggest your requirement to attend the doctor is more of a formality and the result of your anxiety, the crumbs of the last four years of your hell.

You are no longer a working tractor ploughing fields but a slower one that can now carry some small hay bales crutial to the cows down the road. This means of course you'll still be productive in a reduced, different capacity...but we all couldnt keep up with those big boys anyway.

At 57yo I was finally granted the DSP and set about building my own caravan. 4 months later we toured Oz and had a ball. After we build our next home we'll build a larger van retro style. You too can indulge in interests of distraction and allow time to heal your pain from the struggles.

A new chapter in your life can be daunting but you'll settle. Have faith. Thanks for sharing.

WK

Re: A beautiful problem

@Whiteknight @utopia @Jupiter

Thank you for your warm relies, sorry I fell off the edge of the universe for a few weeks.

I have come to terms with the 'terms" now and feel so much better about it all. 

One thing I have done which is new and a bot exciting is get a playstation and learning to play the video games. wow! it is fun and terrifying at the same time. But something new and a lovely distraction.

I reasise now that all that worry I had a few weeks ago was just coping with the huge CHANGE in our circumstances, of course I can front up three monthly! (I now know that it will only be every 3 months). 

I tried recently once again to change my medication (after talking to my GP) to halve the antipsycotic, in an attempt to get some mental aquity back, but I unravelled within days, so just put myself back on the full dose, I guess I am stuck with how "it is" So I will just accept all the circumstances and live in a state of gratitude and try for grace.

Thanks once again for your support and all the best with the new house and retro trailer @utopia ! SOunds brill. We bought a new car (courtesy of the payout) a couple of weeks ago and are thinking about a road trip in 2020.

Re: A beautiful problem

@MoonGal. So pleased that you have been able to turn that stress into a sense of gratitude.  Well done!. Not easy.

It was not me moving house. Must be someone else who posted. 

Re: A beautiful problem

@utopia - oops, sorry that was @Whiteknight who was talking about travel and house moving. my bad. 

Re: A beautiful problem

No problem @MoonGal. I've used wrong names before.  Easily done. 

Re: A beautiful problem

Thats ok. A road trip eh. Well we towed our van around oz and its only 11 ft long. We built it with shower and toilet @MoonGal . Ot was a great trip
My wife fed the dolphins in Monkey Mia WA, she loved it. We saw whales at Augusta off the coast to.

Re: A beautiful problem

Hi everybody 👋💕

So happy for you @MoonGal 🎉 .... and good to see you ....

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