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DES4
New Contributor

BPD - The lived experience of making it work?

Hello, 

New to the forum and after spending the afternoon reading thorugh the expereiences of those who have had relationships with partners diagnoses with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) I felt rather hopeless. 

I have been struggling with BPD since likely the age of 14. Being constantly misdiagnosed in my late teens and early 20s with depression. Whilst there was an aspect of it, I had always felt it was so much more then that. 
Fast forward 7 years and finally I had the right diagnosis of BPD. 

Through speaking with my psychatrist, I have been told my prognosis is good. That the grasp I have on it is much better than others. Yet of course I still have triggers, still am only just learning how to manage my emotions. 

In the 7 months of seeing someone I have made small changes. That have made me feel hopeful. Yet through reading the partners side of things it seems to me perhaps may be I am doomed? I understand I will always live with aspects of this, But is there hope for a relationship? Once I learn to accept and love myself and manage my emotions if I continually practice skills. 

I really believe I am strong enough to eventually be able to manage it. Thankfully, I have never been admitted to hospital, I do go through suicidal idealtion and fall down into that deep despair of everything that is borderline. I have never fallen into a drug addition or abused alcohol (and barely like drinking anyway.)

I have stopped becoming physically violent in a rage. Whilst the thought was there I have been able to control my action (Which for me is a step of progress I see it as) 

I have been in a relationship for 2 years now. And I have destoryed him. He is not the person he was, and now is anxious and very confused in what to do. We had just started seeing a couples councellor in which we understand that it will benefit him to continue seeing someone separately also. 

My suggestion to him seeming as that I am not able to get into a DBT course until mid next year due to where we live (and I am required to move) is to take our relationship back to basics. My suggestion is that I move out, to try and allow that small distance between us in order for me to focus on myself and also to give him space to feel he can do and plan things with his friends as he pleases and for me to then see where I can fit into it and build the trust back up. 

I would really like to know in all honesty if the relationship is too far gone, if anyone has had experience in it being salvaged and progress being made to go on to living a life that is ok. 

I may be borderline and I know heartbrake may come. But I honestly know what steps I need to make in the long run in terms of the commitment to therapy and ongoing homework and practicing putting myself first instead of my partner all the time. 

2 REPLIES 2

Re: BPD - The lived experience of making it work?

Hi @DES4

It sounds like it has been a long journey for you and a lot of self reflection of yourself. You've got a lot of self-determination to practice strategies you've learnt in therapy and you know that it's a long journey to learn how to better manage the symptoms of BPD.

 

There's no easy answer to whether a relationship would last or not regardless of the circumstances. What matters is that you're both trying together. From what I am reading you love your partner dearly and I assume that there is love in for you too to stay with you through the thick and thin. 

Wish you and your partner all the best. 

Take care of yourself, thecolourblue

Re: BPD - The lived experience of making it work?

Us BPD's / cPTSD grownups can be very insecure. I've been so insecure in any relationship, I've never been comfortable with men, or trusting of a partner and they hate that. I gave up. Its OK to be single, well, we also don't cope with abandonment so its lose lose both ways, just have to plant ya own garden of colour where you are, try be gentle on yourself 'till God decides we die. Something like that.

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