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EveB
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Abusive paranoid personality disorder dad

My dad has an undiagnosed mental Illness. From what my family have researched, he is along the lines of paranoid personality disorder. My whole life he has had this mental Illness where he believes everyone is against him and people are constantly out to get him. He believes he can do no wrong. I have never had an actual meaningful, normal conversation with him as all he does is lectures you about how horrible he thinks his life is. He is extremely emotionally abusive and has been physically abusive, especially towards my brother and on occasion my mum. Mum has tried her best to shield the worst of him from us kids and takes the brunt of his abuse. He is now 70 and his health is declining, he is abusing prescription drugs and is in desperate need of outside support. Mum and dad are separated but because dad has no one else in his life willing to put up with him, mum cares for him by taking him to all of his appointments, cleans his house, does grocery shopping, pays all his bills and rent as he does not work and hasn’t worked for majority of my life. No one understands how abusive he is as he hides the worst of it behind closed doors and is an angel to anyone else outside of the family. We can’t get external help because he gets paranoid that they’re out to get him so refuses help. He refuses to go into a nursing home and he doesn’t believe he has a mental illness so wont get any help or go on any medication to help with his manic behaviour and paranoid tendencies. My siblings and I have a very bad relationship with him and refuse to help someone who has been abusive and threatening to us our whole life and don’t won’t our mum to endure anymore emotional abuse but can’t find any organisation or facilities that will help someone without their consent. It has Come to the point where I would love to just cut all ties with him but make sure somehow he gets the help he needs. However he threatens ‘financial ruin’ if mum cuts off contact and we don’t feel safe as he is very unpredictable and can become scary and threatening by showing up at mums house or work place in a manic state. mum feels trapped and my family also feels trapped as it feels like the only way we can get help is if he is suicidal which he isn’t or If he physically harms or puts our lives in danger. But the emotional and financial abuse is certainly affecting my mums mental health as well my siblings and myself. 

2 REPLIES 2

Re: Abusive paranoid personality disorder dad

Hi there @EveB ,

 

Thank you for posting. We're so sorry to hear what is happening to your whole family right now.

 

It sounds like you and your mum do a lot to support your dad, yet your dad is not well enough to see it.

 

Have you ever contacted 1800RESPECT? They may have some more insight into this relationship and give you some pointers as to how to go about being there for him, but also protecting yourself. https://www.1800respect.org.au/

 

It sounds like a long road ahead. It's important you and your mum also get the emotional support you deserve.

 

Please let us know how things go. 

Re: Abusive paranoid personality disorder dad

Oh im so sorry for you and your mum to be in this situation , maybe a public support organisation of sorts can take this on and he can live in supportive housing and have a case manager take this over ,then your mum can have her own life to live. His pension should cover this ,maybe start at a local Doctors . Stay strong ok

,there will be a solution (Mum will need loads of support after he goes to this accommodation). 

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