Lived Experience Forum

[Pia1]

Hello

I have a 2 year old and a 7 month old baby, and a few months ago my baby was critically ill and nearly died. I witnessed things no mother should be confronted with and have developed PTSD. I am feeling very alone in this because none of my friends have been through anything like it. Also finding it hard dealing with PTSD while looking after the little ones in a setting of having no time to myself and being tired. PTSD is new to me and that in itself is a big learning curve. Looking to connect with anyone that has been through something similar.

Thank you

[Jo-anneJoy]

Sorry to hear that your second child has had a bumpy start to life.  If you had been patients of a critical care team in a hospital, contact them about how you are feeling now, and check out if they have any after-care support for mums like you, or can - at the very least - signpost you to other support services, in real time, or online social platforms, so you don't feel so isolated.

At the time, all the focus was on your little one and ptsd, in very simplistic terms, is when you have received a jolly big fright and your body is in total 'safe' auto-pilot mode, in that you get up, you go to sleep, you might eat, you follow instructions and you hope like hell that the Worst does not happen, while fearing that it might.  The experience you have gone through is being on the edge of a cliff 24/7 with your body turbo-pumping adrenalin to get you through it.  

Having endured all that, when the immediate danger is over, and your whole being feels that it is safe to come out of the shell (the storm has passed), that's when the mind starts to register the enormity of what you've been through, the ways in which it's impacted you (trauma) and with two little kiddies relying on you, there is more pressure to not drop your bundle and keep going.  You start to run on fumes and that can become a vicious circle : the more you force yourself, the more drained and burned out you feel, until you are chasing your tail.

Give the hospital a tingle and take it from there.  Hope you find some lovely new mum friends who 'get' where you are at in the here and now.

[Snowie]

Hi @Pia1 

Firstly welcome to the SANE forums.

I have PTSD too but my children are older. I can however relate to having a critical ill child (who has since recovered).

Have you tried the website PANDA https://www.panda.org.au/

It is to support parents with anxiety and depression. They also have a number you can call to speak to a professional. You might have already tried them or may not have any luck, but it might just be worth a try.

[Pia1]

Thank you for your message @Jo-anneJoy @, it helps to hear your explanation of what is happening and I'm grateful for your support. Thankfully I was already seeing a psychologist for a traumatic birth, so I've continued working with her.

That is a good idea to find out if the hospital has any support groups or can help me any further, I'll give them a call and find out. 

I think you're right about the vicious cycle, I'm completely drained. I feel the weight of responsibility more than ever, and wading through silent reflux and allergies with the baby the past few months, as well as round the clock feeds, separation anxiety and me feeling  like I'm not giving the toddler the attention he deserves, I am not finding I can look after myself very well at present. Let alone heal from the trauma.

Thank you again for your support. 

[Pia1]

@Snowie thank you for your message. You don't have to answer this, but did you find it hard in the time following your child's illness? Did you have any advice for getting my head around everything?

[Snowie]

@Pia1 

I had a toddler too when my youngest was sick and in hospital. I felt much the same way you did. Totally focused on my youngest one, at the hospital 24 hours a day and feeling like I wasn't spending the time I should have with my toddler. But I knew I was where I needed. I leaned on family support through this time and came to the conclusion that I needed to reach out for help. I found PANDA helped me a lot, talking to someone on the phone.

I found it very hard after my youngest was in hospital. I felt I watched them around the clock and was so vigilent. It was hard not to keep them close to me. It was hard to leave them with others because of the what ifs....

My advice is to just take one day at a time. There is only one of you and you are doing the best possible job you can. Ask family/friends for help, they don't know you need help unless you ask. Take some time out for you, even if it is just a cup of tea.

I hope this helps a little.