Lived Experience Forum

[Talzy_T]

Hi Everyone,

I don't get along with my parents very well unless I listen to their rules and obey them. I've been struggling with this issue for many many years and it is one of the reasons why my mental health is bad where I've had psychosis, mental breakdown and arguments that triggered me with my parents. I'm 33 years old and I hate that they dont like me hanging around a girl as a friend because I have a pretty religious Islamic background and my parents would prefer I get intimate with a woman when I get married. Which I disagree and had many instances with women without telling my parents about my personal life. 

As I've said in my previous posts I don't like to follow my religion and I quite hate how the religion restricts myself, puts me in a cage and prevents me from living my life properly. 

Right now my parents are being quiet with me and I'm afraid they me trigger me into having an argument with them. I tried being assertive but what's the point of me doing it when my parents don't do that especially my dad who's aggressive and talks loud when he tries to start a conversation with me. 

I hate how they're only talkative to me when I listen to them as they want me to get an I.T. job again where I hate because I dont like the work environment and I dont enjoy it. Its funny because they tell me I dont need to do an I.T job then do they persistently advise to get a job there and care about what others might think. It affects me negatively because I get confused on who to talk to and get advice and go back to my old thinking habits where I'm listening and following them.

I wish I could live on my own right now but I'm low on money, dont have a consistent job at the moment. I also fear of being lonely and having suicide thoughts again which I do from time to time when I'm surrounded by negative energy in my household. I also eat excessively because my parents are frustrating and I believe they are the problem why I have so many issues in my life right now.

[Jupiter]

Hi @Talzy_T 

Thanks for sharing a bit of what you are going through with us. It can be so hard when parents have certain expectations of us that don't necessarily align with our own views or plans. Even harder when you live together and can't have that physical space to yourself. Hopefully the forums feels like a safe space to express yourself and feel heard. We are here for you!

Jupiter

[Appleblossom]

I feel for you @Talzy_T tho my parents were not Islamic, my mother put her extreme religiosity heavily on my generation and it was very destructive.

It is one thing to have hopes and dreams for one's children but another to push kids into doing things they do not want.  That said it happens often enuff in many cultures.  The generations need to compromise and get along like all people with differences ... tho in families it is so important.  You should not have to sacrifice who you really are ...

Take care

Apple

[Historylover]

God @Appleblossom, your post made me melancholic. Guess that's where I'm coming from at the moment. I've done my absolute gut-busting best for my family and it got me nothing but disdain and hatred. I don't know how on earth my life has come to this–or why! Parenthood is the pits. The bloody pits. It seems that so many children never understand their parents, and spend their entire lives at loggerheads.

I'm studying parenthood styles at the moment: authoritarian, neglectful, permissive and authoritative. I thought I was authoritative and that's the best style. And I still can't get anything right. I thought compromise was acceptable too, meeting halfway, and that doesn't work either. It all just makes me so sad. Don't we parents do our best for our children? And aren't our parents victims of theirs? I'm baffled. Who knows the answer?

[Appleblossom]

Hey @Historylover Some stuff is melancholic. I will tag you and talk to your post on the thread I often fall back on.