Lived Experience Forum

[INFP]

Hi. My first post. Really feeling ashamed today. I have mental health problems and night terrors.

Ive moved back to Sydney. I’m an artist and cleaner. Today I couldn’t work. I had a few drinks last night. I rang again a guy I went out with when I was 15!!! A long time ago. He has schizophrenia. Also an artist.He has a girlfriend and I keep ringing and sending messages. Told him to block me last night. I did see him 12 years ago.

I feel so stupid and ashamed!!! I was going to call 000 last night and get them to take me to the psyche ward. I don’t understand myself. 
Feeling really bad about myself.

[Snowie]

Hi @INFP and welcome to the Sane forums.

It takes a lot of courage to write what is happening in our lives so well done for you first post.

There is no need to feel stupid and ashamed about what you have done. We all have done things we are not proud of and somehow we keep going on.

I also have mental health problems and night terrors, which have an impact on my life.

I hope you find this forum as supportive and comforting as I do. 

Please feel free to post on here as much as you want, we are here to support you and listening to you.

Snowie xoxo

[Bow]

Hi @INFP  just stopping by quickly to say hi and welcome to the forums. It takes a lot of courage to post for the first time and to share a little about yourself. Hope that you are doing ok? And are safe tonight. 
i struggle with my mental health also, and sometimes the safest place to be is in the psych ward. Hope that if you feel that’s where you need to be that you are able to make that call. 

[INFP]

Thankyou for your support. Yeah the night terrors have been going on for years. I just recently recorded my sleep on an app. I get about 4 hours sleep a night. The rest is talking, screaming, crying etc. So over it. New Gp has done a blood test to check thyroid etc. So exhausted all the time. Seem to dream all night. I know it’s caused from trauma. Do you have any treatment for yours!

[INFP]

Thankyou for your support.Yeah. I’m a little uncomfortable about going to a hospital. I think I need to see a psychologist first. New to the area I live in so I’m in the process of finding one. 

[tyme]

Welcome to the forums @INFP ,

Well done on making your first post and reaching out.

I'm sorry to hear things are a little unsettling for you at the moment.

Have you been able to connect to a GP you trust since moving? There are so many reasons which may impact how you are currently feeling.

Please know you can reach out to crisis lines if you feel the need:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467

If in immediate danger: 000 

I hope you will be able to connect with members here who may be able to shed some light on your current situation.

Take Care,

tyme

[lumberdead]

@INFP 

I was in the same place you were at one point, the only thing that helped me was to delete the social media where i kept sending the messages plus blocking that persons number, find something that will distract you from the person and when you feel yourself obsessing over them again make yourself write it down in your notes, for example: have a conversation with them in your head or write a story with them in it.

Ask yourself: What is it about this person that interests me so much? What am I missing in my life that this person might help with? Could it be understanding, relatability or maybe something as simple as loneliness. Once you figured out what this quality or value that you are in need of is, then you can try to find it elsewhere, without the person in question.

Hope this helps.

[tyme]

That's so helpful @lumberdead . 

Thank you for sharing.

Now come to think of it, I think I've also done something similar in the past - sudden desire to find out what's happening with everyone else, then making rash decisions that I regret later.

After reading your post @lumberdead , I remember I had to ask myself what the purpose of contacting these people were. Ultimately, it came down to my inability to regulate my emotions, so I ended up behaving in ways to try and 'control' my emotions - didn't help though. I also believe it was a lack of self-identity. I didn't know who I was, so I did one thing one day, and something acted completely different the next.

Sounds like you're not alone @INFP ,

tyme

[INFP]

Thankyou @lumberdead . Yes all of the above. Helps a lot.

[lumberdead]

Hey @tyme, thanks for responding firstly, it's quiet nice to read about people supporting others and i am glad that my response resonated with you in some way. Building connections and reaching out on places like these definitely strengthens our knowledge on why we do the things we do and gives us that genuine support that we so greatly lack at times that in turn certainly contributes to impaired emotional regulation.

Building a sense of esteem for yourself can take countless years before you start feeling truly "yourself". You would be surprised about how many people feel like as though they are gutless "nobodys" feeling as though they are just a boring, dull backdrop everywhere they go only be met with contradicting "false" praise from people that know them best. What i'm trying to say is the way you view yourself influences every part of your life more then you could ever imagine so it should very well be the first thing that you take a long hard look at.

I'm probably going way off here apologies.