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30-03-2023 11:53 AM
30-03-2023 11:53 AM
Drug addicts in the family
Hi everyone,
I'm just looking to vent, to be honest, but if you have an opinion on this, or have gone through this please let me know! I'm feeling really alone in the situation...
I've grown up in a house with an alcoholic father, who is now sober (which is awesome!). Both of my parents smoked lots of weed (my mum stopped), and my brother was addicted to some kind of steroids, it was just a huge mess. My childhood life had lots of ups and downs, I always knew that my family loved me and still does. I myself have never had an addiction, however, I'd like to say that I fully understand the reason why people partake in such behaviors.... though maybe I don't really.
I feel like I'm pretty healed from the situation, but I now have a partner of 6 years that's an addict himself. I really don't know why the universe does this to me! (Though I would never blame myself for people's actions so it's not like that.)
My partner has been addicted to H for over 10 years.. when we first got together, for some reason I just didn't really think it was a big deal, as he said he was in recovery yada yada, and I just blindly believed him. I think I'm also just scared of being alone, and I love love, and I liked him, so we just developed a relationship. Then, the 3rd time I found out about a relapse, I decided that I was going to start constantly checking his bank account, got him to install an app to see where he was going at all times, and honestly it's exhausting because I was always the bad guy in the relationship that had to be stern and the grown up.
I don't WANT to be that person, I want to be the free spirit I was before we met, happy and sociable, but I became an angry hurt person, but I can't let go of trying to help my partner. I just found out last night that he's been using again, with cash from places that I won't mention,(because I was always monitoring his bank account..) and I'm so devastated. His family was all so angry as well, and I even got into a blue with his brother because he was so angry and super disrespectful towards my partner. Doesn't he realize that I'm also the victim here? Not to put down his feelings, but I've lived with, eaten with, and done everything with this person for the last 6 years, but he tells me to stay out of it because it's 'family business' ... It makes me soo angry!
Sometimes I feel like maybe my inner child is trying to jump out of my body and heal my partner because I could never help my dad, and the guilt that comes with having an alcoholic parent is really traumatic.
Anyway, we've decided to get him into rehab ASAP. This is the last chance I can give him. It hurts so much that he lied to me, and he lied so easily, I feel so horrible, I don't think I've ever felt so horrible in my entire life...
I had to call in sick to work, I can't even function. I just want this to all be the past, I just keep trying to have a nice happy life and something always destroys me
Aaaanyway.. We don't have heaps of money, so are looking for a rehab that won't cost an arm and a leg, but is also helpful, I've heard there are free rehabs, but I don't know if that's the best option.
Thanks for reading my vent.. if anyone does get through all of that lol.
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30-03-2023 02:17 PM
30-03-2023 02:17 PM
Re: Drug addicts in the family
Hey @Spacey
A huge warm welcome to you from all of us here.
My gosh, what a lot you have on your shoulders at the moment. I have no doubt it weighs heavily. I am so glad you have had the opportunity to vent about it here.
Good on you for taking the day off to yourself. It is soooo important (and often easier said than done) to give yourself permission to take some time off.
The way you describe yourself "before" is quite beautiful. It sounds like you can still vividly recall this part of yourself which is so powerful.
We may not always have the answers here, but we can certainly sit with you during these really tough times. 💛
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30-03-2023 02:59 PM - edited 30-03-2023 02:59 PM
30-03-2023 02:59 PM - edited 30-03-2023 02:59 PM
Re: Drug addicts in the family
Thank you @Peregrinefalcon 😃 I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to me.
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30-03-2023 04:19 PM
30-03-2023 04:19 PM
Re: Drug addicts in the family
Hey @Spacey ,
Just wanted to drop in quickly.
I feel for you. In my situation, it was Me that was the addict - weed and pokies. Which are not the same as H, of course, but an addiction is an addiction in my experience. I can't believe some of the things I did to feed the habit.
Luckily I had no partner that had to go through it, but my family and friends did.
Anyway, I really wanted to at least say there is hope. I haven't smoked in 18 years (from basically all day every day). Pokies were worse in some ways, but even that is many years.
I wish you and your partner all success. Hopefully rehab works out. For both of you.
PS Oh, and ciggies too- that's been 12 years now. Not trying to show off, but proof it Can be done
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30-03-2023 10:45 PM
30-03-2023 10:45 PM
Re: Drug addicts in the family
Thank you @StuF for your response. I feel so much more hopeful knowing that you've come out of those addictions! And well done as well.
Really appreciate the message 🙌 and that's so good to quit cigarettes as well! 😊
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31-03-2023 12:22 AM
31-03-2023 12:22 AM
Re: Drug addicts in the family
Hi
tuff spot to be in we can only change our selves we can’t change the Addict
it lovely you support him that awesome I believe Addict need understanding and love
also maybe join a group of people that going through the same thing maybe in Sane you find a support group
because we get Addicted to the Addict
trying to save them but you need support to be able to find some peace no matter what the Addict is doing because he going to do what he going do you never caused this or chose it
And you can’t change him he need to do that for him self easy to say tuff to do for its long hard road and I seem it will never end I hope you find rehab and start of a new beginning xxx
wishing you peace love