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NaomiLyn
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Responsibilities of parents regards providing for an adult child with a major disability post their death

I am after peoples opinion in regard to if they would deem it to be a general community expectation, that parents whom have the financial means, have a responsibility to ensure that adequate stable long-term accommodation is available, once they have both passed away, for an adult child with a major mental health condition?  I have become aware that my parents have taken no steps to do this for my sister, and she does not have the financial means now or in the future to purchase a home for such security, and thus my parents are leaving such to chance, and with the unspoken expectation that if any problems occur that my brother's and I will sort it out?  

 

You can read on for more personal information or just respond to the above question.


My husband and I have a 22 year old daughter whom has Cerebral Palsy, an only child and our primary focus. We are taking steps to ensure our daughter has adequate stable long-term accommodation once we are no longer here, but will not be in a position financially to assist in purchasing a home if by chance my parents estate does not leave enough (or anything) to secure housing for my sister - and I doubt my brother's will either, as they have adult children themselves whom may need assistance in purchasing their own homes in the future. For us, making arrangements to secure our daughter’s future accommodation has been about finding ways that will help to ensure that her future home cannot be clawed at by the government for their use in funding our future aged care or such.


I have no problems with my parents 'spending more on one child than another' so that they can make adequate secure accommodation arrangements for my sister for when they are no longer here. But I do have a problem with them doing nothing as this could potentially end up with them not leaving enough (or nothing) to bequest for the purpose of being able to purchase a home for my sister, and thus leaving a potentially difficult distressing situation for their other children to manage. Regards my sister, she has a longterm chronic mental health condition, lives at home with my parents, is and has been on a Disability Pension for nearly 15 years,  where such pension is likely to continue for the remainder of her life,  has no real future earning ability that will enable her to purchase a home and very little in the way of superannuation.

 

To put my parents financial situation into a bit more perspective, they are self funded retirees, who retired about ten years ago each with superannuation, have 3 investment properties and received around five years ago an inheritance of just over a million dollars (in which maybe a ¼ was used to purchase their 3rd investment property). To me, my parents have rather indulgent expensive spending habits. Their current financial position will require them to sell an investment property in the next year or two for the purpose of living on, as their supper will run out by that time and it would seem little in the way of liquid assets is left. I have no problem with people spending their hard earned money in their retirement, but I fail to understand how a parent could fail to even consider using a small fraction of a large inheritance to financially secure long term accommodation for an adult child with a major disability, thus leaving the accommodation outcomes for that child to chance. I see my parents behaviour in regards this issue as being irresponsible and self-centered, and this makes me angry and disappointed with them. Are my expectations in regards to what I would expect the average parent to be able to do under similar circumstances to my parents unrealistic? I fail to believe that my husband and I are operating to higher standards, and that it is unrealistic to expect my parents or others to operate to such standards - such sounds rather condescending and seems simply an excuse or cop-out to me.

3 REPLIES 3

Re: Responsibilities of parents regards providing for an adult child with a major disability post their death

@NaomiLyn Hi NaomiLyn I have 3 children one of whom has a variety of disabilities including a mental illness. His brother and sister also have depression. This is an interesting topic that you bring up and it is very raw emotionally for me. I do no own a house (I rent) if I was to pass on any time soon my son would have to move in with his father and if he was to pass he would go into a group home situation (which does not appeal to me or his father). 

 

We might get lucky and get some inheritance when my mother passes at which I will buy a small property with the idea of giving it to my children when I die. I also have a mental illness and live on the carer's pension. To be hoenst I don't want to start using my superannuation for ages yet as I would like to leave it for my children.

 

Now do I think your mother and father are niave (that is being kind) not providing a home for your sister .... one of the investment properties (which she could start living in now and learn how to become as independent as possible). Can I be brutal I think they are. I would be concerned for your sister's wellbeing once they both pass on and would bring it up with your parents.

 

I think you have have every right considering your own responsibilities concerning your daughter and your brother his own children. The thing is you will always have to be around for your sister more than other siblings might but as a parent I feel it is a paren's responsibility to make sure that your children are as well set up as possible and that doesn't change with age.

 

That is just my few cents worth but I believe you are right. greenpea

Re: Responsibilities of parents regards providing for an adult child with a major disability post their death

Thankyou for your response.  I can see you care deeply for your children and want to do the best you can to support them in the future.  My husband and I have been somewhat lucky housing wise - we brought our house in 1996, some years before prices started to go up. If we were young and starting out today,  we would not be able to afford to purchase a house. So I thank our lucky stars.  If we didn't own a home and rented,  and facing the prospects of not being financially able to purchase a home in the future, I would probably look at trying to secure some kind of public housing for our daughter as a long term goal.  Due to the long waiting lists,  it couldn't be much other than a long term goal.  Because government and community options are in such short supply,  I strongly believe that if one has the financial ability to provide for their child, that is the most responsible thing to do, as it then provides government and community services more ability to provide for those that really need that help.  Anyway, thankyou for your kind words.   

 

Re: Responsibilities of parents regards providing for an adult child with a major disability post their death

I tend to agree with you @NaomiLyn and have started discussions about best way to provide for my adult child with disability.

I was never impressed by the SKI spend kids' inheritance attitudes.

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