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pippajay
New Contributor

where to start?

I don't know where to start. I have been with my partner for 3 & half yrs, and sadly our relationship is going downhill fast. He has mild OCD and high axiety issues; and the way these issues affect him is taking a big toll on me. I think its these diseases that makes him extremely self-centred as well.

I'd say its the anxiety that causes his insomnia. He blames me and my snoring, but really, if it wasnt me keeping awake it would be something else. A flea fart would wake him!! The anxiety also keeps him moving. He can never be still, doesnt know how to relax; he has ants in his pants!!

He doesn't like to see me "idle" or relaxing with my colouring-in (which I have taken up in order to de-stress). He's always coming up with something to keep me moving as much as he is. And whatever he comes up with always, but always, benefits him in some way - hence the self-centred.

The OCD affects him a few ways - none of it debilitating though, thank goodness. He has what I call his "locking rituals", repetitive habits and obsessions with time. If he suggests we are doing such & such at 10am, then it must be at 10am and not a second later!! Earlier if possible, and he'll be ranting and raving at me to hurry, as I am too slow. I hear those words on a daily basis - 'you're so slow'!! He'll have the car idling whilst I'm still brushing my teeth - but its only 3mins to 10. "Hurry up or I'll leave you at home", he yells angrily.

The anxiety over his time-issues, (and other issues) means he is often angry and often explodes over (what I think is) nothing.

Its this explosive anger that is takiing a heavy toll on me. (I have my own anxiety issues, and cannot handle angry loud voices). I find I am constantly "doing things" not to please him, but to try to avoid angry outbursts. I feel I dont get time to myself, as I am always doing something for him; either because he has asked me or beacause I am pre-empting something.

And no surprises here - he doesnt believe he has a problem.

Any suggestions?

2 REPLIES 2

Re: where to start?

Hi @pippajay

 

Welcome to the SANE Forums! Smiley Happy There are so many wonderful and supportive people here on the Forums who can personally relate to the relationship struggles you are going through with your partner.

 

I'm sorry that you have not received any replies on this post as of yet. If you have not commented on other threads, you may want to get to know other carers of people caring for someone with mental illness in the "Hot Chocolate Anyone" thread.

 

As you have reflected, it can be so hard to maintain a relationship with someone with mental health issues (including OCD and high levels of anxiety) - especially, if they are not acknowledging such issues and are not taking accountability for the part they play in relationship issues - relationship issues are always a two-way street! It sounds almost like you are walking on eggshells with your partner and that you cannot really be yourself in the relationship - I can imagine that is only exacerbated by your partner's tendency to act in selfish ways. I can imagine you might be feeling incredibly suffocated!  Have you consider going to couple's therapy with your partner? This will not directly address his OCD and anxiety, but it may at least serve to help the way you and your partner are interacting with one another. What do you think?

 

Take care of yourself and please reach out in the Forums, if you need!

 

Kindest,

Amour_Et_Psyché

Re: where to start?

Hey @pippajay - it's been awhile since we heard from you.

Would love to know how things have been, we are here for you.
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