Lived Experience Forum

[greenpea]

Well not only has my psychiatrist and mental health nurse said no to me giving up my medications but my psychologist said the same today .... I have completely lost my identity thanks to my mi and now my medications. I am neither one nor the other. Neither mentally ill nor sane. I am in this grey area where I can no longer think of study because my mi has cooked my brain so much that all there is left for me is volunteer work (don't get me wrong I am happy to do it but I have a degree I wanted a phd ....that has gone now).

Now I am so subdued that I cannot sit back and knock back a couple of glasses of wine because my daughter will have a fit due to my meds and mi. Plus my weight issues are starting to kick in with sh. I feel controlled not in control. My mi and medications are in control and I am just hanging on for dear life of what I once was.

[Shaz51]

ohhhh my super @greenpea , sending you tender hugs and sitting with you

[greenpea]

@Shaz51 

[Appleblossom]

@greenpea I hear you about work and study. I was never too worried either way about drinking and mixing stuff is tricky.

I keep pretending to my son that I "might" be a bad girl ...one day ...  but he knows its not serious. Mostly it is to let him know that I have sense of humour and spirit rather than meaning anything behaviourwaise .. dont want to be too strait laced... get drunk on herbal tea ... yadayada

Tonight we had a laugh about Flight of the Condors comedy show.  I have to say I like his taste!

[greenpea]

@Appleblossom YES! The herbal teas in moderation please .... I used to run but now it is quiet walks along the beach ... all very nice and good but my 'spirit' (as you said so well) feels like it is getting crushed under the weight of it all.

[Lilyq]

Hi @greenpea I was a bad girl tonight, drunk a whole heap. Trust me it's overrated! 

[greenpea]

@Lilyq Haha!  Thanks Lilyq you made me laugh xx

[Shaz51]

ha ha @Lilyq, me too tonight

so I think I am nearly ready for bed now @greenpea

[Nay69]

Hi @greenpea

I feel your pain. I have often felt the same way.

 I guess the way I cope is to look at each day as a brand new start to everything in my life, my head and my heart will always follow me 💐

I feel a lot of strength comes from believing in what you have and can continue to achieve, just give yourself time. Have no fear, there will always be people here to help you up and give you strength to take on your new day every day.

 I am here for you x

[greenpea]

@Nay69 Hi Nay69 and thank you for your kind words. I definitely need to hear them right now xx