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Something’s not right

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@Jynx. I’m not even sure what to do. It’s hard not to invalidate my emotions and experiences. I can’t help wondering maybe it wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be and that I should get over it. It’s also hard not to blame myself.

I’ve tried reaching out to a helpline, still feel pretty low. I feel like talking about this would make me a selfish friend. I feel like lately, I’m the one getting emotional support and not the other way around. I guess I could try distracting, but I can only do it for so long. And there is writing, will see if any inspiration comes to me.

♥️

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

I can hear how much you're struggling with this @creative_writer - please remember though that how 'bad' it was doesn't matter anywhere near as much as how it made you feel. If it hurts, if it's weighing you down, then you deserve whatever support you need to help process it and move forward. Everyone responds to trauma differently so even if other people have it 'worse' (though in my experience there is no worse or easier or anything, it's all relative) it doesn't mean your own response to what you've been through isn't completely valid. 

 

I think our society makes us feel like selfishness is 100% bad all the time - but in fact, it's a really important thing to learn. Took me ages to actually be able to listen to my own needs and prioritise myself! I wonder if you maybe could be a little more selfish, if it means you have the chance to heal. And then in turn, perhaps one day this pain will be useful to you, and you can turn then to help others, if that's what you want to do. 

 

I hope you find some inspiration 🤗💜

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@Jynx, it was really painful to go through it. I hated how my body felt too. I felt like I had no control.

I’ve grown up caring about other before myself. Maybe it’s often an expectation from women from society. It may also be related to my ethnic cultural background. I do want to be able to help others, but I’ve found that my cup isn’t full enough right now. It’s hard to prevent my emotions from pouring out during a volunteer shift. I had to take a break but I do really want to go back. It gave me purpose and made me feel useful.

 

🫂♥️

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

You will get there @creative_writer. I too grew up putting everyone else's needs first. It wasn't until I was drowning in it all and someone told me I needed to learn to be selfish that I started the journey towards being able to actually care about my needs. 

 

Even if you're working on yourself and focusing inward, that is still useful to others in its own way - because if trauma has cycles that get passed from person to person, so too does healing, so working on your own stuff first means that you can get back to that meaningful work when the time is right for you. But as you know, you cannot pour from an empty cup. But if you think of yourself as a candle that is dimming, once you've gotten yourself into a better mental space you can glow bright and light up other candles along the way without ever needing to dim your own flame. 

💜🕯💖

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@Jynx, I spoke to the head. She advised me to come back when I feel ready. Life has been rough for a few months. I even got close to an attempt a month ago. I doubt anyone on my support team would recommend mental health volunteer work at this stage.

💖

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

I don’t think I’m okay. I am suffocating. Darkness is what I know. Anger is the poison that runs in me.

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Hugs @creative_writer . Hearing you. I just came past to say hello, but I'm not staying. Evening mods will be on.

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Hi @tyme, I'll see you later in the week 🙂 , it's been tough.

Still feel congested and my brain feels so foggy, can't seem to concentrate. Uni material prep has been released as the semester starts next week. I'm so anxious, my mental health and physical health are a mess. I'm also feeling heartbroken, I'll never get back what trauma stole from me.

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Hi @creative_writer,

I'm sorry to read you have been having a tough week - sounds like you have a bit going on.

Just take you time around uni - I can understand that it isn't helping your feelings around anxiety. I remember reading all the information before a semester would start and it seemed overwhelming but then I would remind myself the content was over the whole semester. 

I hope you are okay and you can do something nice for yourself today.

Hugs,

FloatingFeather

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@FloatingFeather, I still do have time, just feel like I’m not moving very fast. I wish my body didn’t hate me so much and my mental health was better. Can’t stop the self-deprecating thoughts. I feel like value has diminished. I’m an emotional mess. It makes me want to SH, but I can’t give in after not doing it for so long, I’ll just relapse into old patterns otherwise.

I’m just resting right now, head feels really awful right now and I feel so sleepy. Maybe the congestion disturbed my sleep.
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