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Rubyf
Contributor

What's the word I'm looking for...

Hello forum friends! 

This funny thing happened before! 

I am laughing now, I have constructed the required bridge AND gotten over it! Well, sort of...

I'm struggling to find the words I need to express myself to my partner. 

You see, he's had a hard day. He left the house before our 11 month olds morning sleep (say 10), and arrived home at 6:30 this evening. He has been at band practice with his pals, you know, pursuing his hobby.

Meanwhile, I'm here at home with our teething baby, two loads of clothes washed and hung, floors swept, vacuumed and mopped. (he asked me to move some of his stereo equipment from out the front to inside, too, which I did- note it had been there for three days and is really heavy and none of my damn business really) One large pot of Moroccan stew, cooling on the stove. I pack up the boy and we head to my work, an hour spent cleaning the local cafe. Walk home by torch light through the mist (it was such a beautiful evening), the parcel of hot chips under the pram was a tasty surprise from my boss!

 

My partner gets home as our son and I are finishing the chippies and instantly he's grumpy. "You  got chips?" he asked sounding offended... "You didn't do the dishes? You used the bacon in the stew? I wanted that for carbonara. I'm tired and sore and now I have to cook, too?"

We didn't even get a smile, you know? He didn't kiss the boy. Just straight up agony from having to spend time jamming with his mates. And it's like this every damn practice. Oh and he called me "woman". It's new. I asked why he was so angry "How do you think a man supposed to act when he's hungry ,woman?" like he didn't have to move the giant, still warm, pot of stew,  which isn't enough to satisfy a man, apparently. That lead to much yelling and clanging while a more suitable pasta meal was made. Its bath time for the babe, so I got that organised and get him snuggled down in bed. The kitchen is a sty now. I hadn't washed the dishes earlier, but they were rinsed and stacked neatly. He's out having a cigarette when I go out to feed the dogs, and as he's heading inside, he starts asking me to do something for him, then stops somewhat annoyed half way through, and says "don't worry about it". I know he was going to ask me to wrap and refrigerate his leftovers (I still needed to deal with the stew anyway so I'd not have been going out of my way) but then I hear him banging around in the kitchen. I thought, hes doing it himself, he's doing the leftovers! And he did, but only the meal that he made. The whole saucepan is in the fridge. At least it has the lid on. He went straight to bed, didn't even leave the bedside lamp on. 

 

Forum Friends, have you been here? I feel like I'm going mad trying to be positive and productive and getting nothing in return. I can't be the only one!?!

5 REPLIES 5

Re: What's the word I'm looking for...

&?? His a grown man isn’t he?

you have had a hard day!!

God I would honestly go tell a bloke to jump if he treated me that way... You are not his slave...well clap clap for making his own dinner after all that but no you are getting nothing in return!! How frustrating for you!!

Re: What's the word I'm looking for...

I am sorry @Rubyf - an immature husband is a pain in the tail and here you are - wow

 

And @Former-Member - agree - he can go jump - 

 

Ruby - you've had a hard day - there are those here who have had a tough time inside a marriage and understand what you are talking about

 

Is the word you want to apply to your husband "immaturity"?

 

Thanks for your honest sharing - you are not alone - older people can remember their past and younger people might still be there wondering what word they want

 

Keep posting - you will get support here

 

Dec

 

 

Re: What's the word I'm looking for...

Because there is a whole saucepan in the fridge and I didn't "slam it shut" it stayed a little bit open all night. Not even out of bed and and I was crying.  It's too much. 

 

Re: What's the word I'm looking for...

@Rubyf Sorry to read your story.  Yes I have seen that kind of behaviour a lot of times. I can cope with it as my responsibility to grow up the male when he is my son, and he does put in some mental, practical and physical effort.

Misogyny is ugly and sometimes band mates dont help.

I had to put up with band practise in my lounge room when I was a teen ... eye roll ...

One funny thing is lately I am friends again with one of those band members 40 years on.  He did not like the arrogant angry aspect of my then bf, but put up with it for someone to jamm with ... life is weird.

Your guy may not be a total deadbeat. He might just have to grow up, but the "woman" business .. aint gonna help his life in general... silly fool.... family, sex or nutrition ..... even if he did cook a meal and wonder of all wonders, put the saucepan in the bleedin fridge.

Look after you and your littlie and learn about boundary setting.  That is what I am trying to do ... with love .... if there aint love ... ???

Take care

 

 

Re: What's the word I'm looking for...

@Rubyf. Oh the word 'woman'. He is using this word in a derogatory way. Don't put up with it. Set the boundaries now. 

And if he wants to know what a REAL man does when he comes home hungry. A real man kisses his wife and child.  Asks how they are. Doesn't whinge because his wife cooked a delicious hearty warming stew.  He thanks her. A REAL MAN respects his wife and doesn't belittle her.

Yes I've been there. I worked full time,  would pick my child up after 10 hours in day care and come home to a kitchen full of dirty plates and saucepans.  My husband worked night shift. Did no housework.  Whinged when I didn't cook him dinner and did no care of the child. Our child. So I sent him packing.  Good riddance. 

Try and get your husband to understand your workload too. And tell him what you won't put up with.Train him now, for a long and happier life.

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