Lived Experience Forum

[tyme]

You're not a burden at all @Saree - that's what I'm here for! 

So what's happening for you today?

[Saree]

@tyme 

That's probably the silly thing. Nothing in particular is happening.

Work is hell atm, it isn't and it is. I work with people all day and often end up in a counselling role - which is fine as wanting to head back there, but it's all the other shit in my job. This week I've butted head with 2 different IFSS workers, mandated report, dealt with crying over past trauma, current sexual assault issues for someone, etc etc. Today I ended up in a conversation around correct management of medication for Bipolar and arguments around belief versus facts.

We are in the process of selling and moving, so every other day someone is coming through our home.

I've decided that finishing off my postgrad psych stuff was a wonderful idea - stupid.

My husband and I have been at locker heads.

and ontop of it, this is the first year I have been medicated somewhat successfully, so everything is different. I know it's about learning and moving with it, watching for the signs, managing the meds and lifestyle, I know, I know. But I shouldn't be in a down cycle right now, and I am really not coping with that.

I guess it's coming off the back of several random PTSD episode and panic attacks this week, which have also done nothing but get worse over last months.

So seriously, I don't know anymore. I just don't.

I just get the stupid negative thought cycle of giving up and not being here anymore, and it just seems to be running away this time. I can't seem to slow it down.

[tyme]

Hey @Saree ,

Gosh! Sounds like so much is happening all at the same time? Would it help to take some time away from everything that is triggering?

You have every right to feel the way you are. It is not an easy profession. There is a lot of mental drain and hence it is so important you take care of YOU. 

If you don't take care of yourself, who will?

Practice some deep breathing and see if a walk or fresh air will help?

[Saree]

Thanks @tyme 

Unfortunately do all that already. Exercise each morning followed by a quarter hour walk and then walk with partner. And mindful breathing is an everyday thing for me.

We do do everything we can. Just yeah. Hence the helplessness I guess

[tyme]

Hearing you my dear @Saree .

How will you spend the rest of your evening? Have you had dinner?

[Saree]

Sorry @tyme 

Done walk, shower and had left overs. 

Sitting with dark thoughts, so prob just head to bed soon and try to sleep.

Hope you have a nice night.

[tyme]

I'm sorry things are so hard for you tonight @Saree - I acknowledge your feelings and the boundaries you have set for yourself tonight in having some offline time.

Remember, you can reach out to out drop-in counselling service if you feel the need on 1800 187 263 (Mon-Fri 10am-10pm AEST). 

You can contact reach out to crisis services such as:

- Lifeline on 13 11 14

- Beyondblue on 1300 224 636

- Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467

I look forward to speaking to you tomorrow,

tyme

[Saree]

@tyme thanks, but didn't seem to work.

It's funny how sleep doesn't occur or is riddled with nightmares when you need a break

Why when you try to help yourself, nothing wants to make it easier.

Whilst you can laugh at the predicament, the negative increases.

Do you ever just wonder if it actually matters what we do?

[Saree]

So over today.

Sitting here, nearly in tears for no reason. Count down is on, but to what? Even, I am not sure anymore.

How does everyone else get through this?

Or is this me getting sick of years and years of getting through it?

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @Saree,

I'm really sorry you are feeling like this. Reading a couple of your other posts I can understand why you may feel on the edge of tears - you sound like you have had/have a lot of things going on in your life and maybe you are spreading yourself a little too thin?

From your job, to your studies, family, home etc - you must be exhausted. I know when I have too much going on I have been known to cry for no specific reason but I think it's just because I am worn out. 

Do you have any flexibility in terms of doing less hours at work, having a break from study etc?  Are you doing anything around self-care? Something nice for yourself when you just do whatever you want to do that makes you feel a bit better.

Sitting with you.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather