Socialising for Beginners

[Appleblossom]

Thanks for the encouragement @Jynx 

I put it in the Looking After Ourselves section as I believe the forums social spaces do a good job, of allowing the online community to get together in various social ways.  I am more interested in working out or working through real life socialising experiences. Where we do not have the protections offered by anonymous online interactions.

Socialising for grown ups who have been isolated and are trying to re-enter general community groups or just trying to meet people is no easy feat. Its more difficult than for children and puppies as we usually have a lot more baggage, whatever that may mean.

From the online dictionary for a start:

verb: socialise

1.

participate in social activities; mix socially with others.

"guests can socialize in a real holiday atmosphere"

2.

make (someone) behave in a way that is acceptable to their society.

"newcomers are socialized into orthodox ways"

Similar words: 

interact

converse

be sociable

mix

mingle

get together

meet

Seems to require more than simple social skills training.

I started one therapeutic relationship with that as my main goal. I knew I had limits and was willing to learn, but she was not a great a teacher and eventually admitted it was not her strength.  I have accepted that I am relatively introverted and there are advantages and safety with that, but also the yearning for human connection persists within me.  So I do not really want to keep myself to myself.  This forum has been a wonderful opportunity for me to try different things and meet people.

Just tagging a few who I feel may be interested, but this discussion is open ...

@Dimity @Historylover @Shaz51 @Owlunar @Eve7 @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope 

@MDT @StuF @TAB @tonys 

What do you think?

[TAB]

I'm a bit brain dead here @Appleblossom  just heading off to bed. Will look again. Not sure what the intent is? To work on real world things? I don't really go out anymore. Sometimes I talk to people at shops if I'm in the mood

[StuF]

Interesting @Appleblossom !

Wrong end of the day for me, but I look forward to engaging with this topic tomorrow

For now, g'night 🙂

[Historylover]

It is a great idea, @Appleblossom. Here's to socialising (attempts)! 😟

[Dimity]

Thanks for the tag @Appleblossom . I don't think I have the nous to comment but I'll follow with interest. 

[MDT]

Howdy all
Thanks for the tag Apple

I find this forum is a great outlet. Possibly too good in some instances. But that's okay. I am introverted but also deal with anxiety in social situations. However the last year I've really put myself in a metaphorical canon and shot out over the water and landed elsewhere. Funnily enough I still feel like a fish out of water at times.

I have been doing much reflection of late and have found inneed more social outlets. But that requires more time which i am short on. Largely due t lo my work. So in many ways I guess I want to be a good colleague.

The thing ti remember is that loneliness is also high. Many people still struggle even though they could be in social settings.

Making friends is organic. I read this once on a uni page - funnily enough it was written down by someone I used to know. I lost contact with him. I've had that happen with a few people I'm fact. Many just get held up I their careers.

Maybe one of the lasting remnants of covid lockdowns was that - people being isolated and as a result they have changed.

Recently I went to uni friends party and saw 4 people I hadn't seen for years. Iwent in with an open mind but they were not interested and it was awkward. They made a big deal aboit how I'd disappeared and how it was so long since I saw them. Big deal. But I guess it was at this stage that I realised that it's okay to let some people go.

Maybe the worst thing we can do is try to convince ourselves that we are struggling to make friends. I think if we accept the fact we are finding it hard then we won't be clutching at whatver low hanging fruit is there to make us feel better - things like vices, addictions, dopamine hits and the like.

[MDT]

Tbh I think I pushed myself pretty far during my 20s.

Only these days have I realised there was a lot of external pressure which I then placed on myself to conform. This formed a self critical view which strength lined through school. Only towards the end of school and then uni did it improve. Then of course travel helped it improve too.

[tonys]

Thankyou  @Appleblossom   for your Question Re   socializing for beginers

    A TALE OF TWO TOWNS.

There were two towns,   Town A..   One governed by people that gave much thought to culture, arts , music, open markets street theatre,  e t c.  The right for each citizen to have the fundamental right to the peaceful enjoyment of there home.  They built art galleries,  cultural entertainment, and made it uncomfortable for bullies.

centres,  out door theatres, .   The artists and philosophies flocked,  shade trees line the streets. 

town  B

The second town built race tracks,  dirt bike circuits,  held power boat and jet ski events car rallies,  cage fight and boxing events all close  proximity to residential areas.  Shop keepers got council to shutdown the markets.   Bullies were given freedom to roam.  The shade trees all cut down to keep the bird poo of the shiny revved up utes 

After a time,  unrestricted activity in town B forced the the rainbow folk, actors and artists to sell up and go to town A.    And the whishes' of community and council meant that the drag car racers in town A were outnumbered and eventually found town B more accommodating

to there activities.

Two worlds now moving further apart in the direction,  Neither right  nor wrong  . . . .

but for reasons that escape me,  town  A  just got so much more expensive.

Nurses, specialists professors academics all suddenly wanted to live there.

Now  Miss Daisy,  a painter, actor, and street entertainer, A rainbow girl,   wanted to move to town A,  because all her friends had left.  She neither new or wanted to know about cage fighting and rugby,   She just wanted to have just one friend that she could have a face to face social experience with but the price of an entry ticket to town A was beyond the reach of her purse and her soul slowly withered.

I havnt heard from her in a long time.  I just hope she went to a better place.

@StuF  @Owlunar  @StuF   and all the other lovely folk at your party,   thanks for invite Apple.

tonys moonbase one

[tonys]

@Appleblossom    sorry If that didn't make much sense.   I  should have just said the  terrain 

we are find ourselves in,  either physical or virtual. 'may'  hinder or foster an environment supportive of inclusive socializing.   But,  economic  intellectual and physical   restrictions for many,  make the social play ground a little  tilted.  The guiding and sculpturing our leaders do at the top,  Helps play a small part in everyone getting a fair go in the play ground.

Rest is up to us I guess,     and you can always lead a hoarse  to  water.  .  .  .

tonys   mb1    

[Appleblossom]

@tonys Your Tale of Two Towns made total sense to me.

Demonstrated many realities beyond... simple social skills mindsets ... interests, tendencies, consequences, professions, and how passions can polarise positions, and yes finances.

@MDT Love this "I want to be a good colleague."

Its probably enough of a goal for now .... complex and longlived.

Like the canon and fish out of water metaphors too.

Combined with the necessity to keep poo off shiny clean utes ... relating to you guys has made my day.