Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Suki1]

I feel as though I have reached the end with my son. He was diagnosed with bipolar nearly 20 years ago. He always takes his medication but does not keep appointments with specialists so continues with the same regime he has always had. He just goes to a GP and gets a new script. The meds do not however work anymore and he supplements them with  other drugs both legal and illegal trying to self medicate. 

The effects of the most recent illicit drugs are dreadful and he rings me constantly for reassurance that he is not being pursued by those who would have him killed. Because of the life he has lived this could be a real or imagined threat.

 The family have turned ourselves inside out to support him but he seems not to care about the effects on us and particularly me. 

When is enough enough and how do I draw the line. He has attempted and threatens suicide and as a mother I don't want to let him down when he needs me most.

Thanks for listening 

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Suki1,

Welcome to the Forums, and thanks for writing your first post.

It seems like you are nearly at the end of your tether with your son.Over the years, it seems his behaviour has been really draining for both you and the family.

Unfortunately, a lack of insight is common when people are affected by mental illness. This may be part of the reason that it seems like your son doesn't care about the effect of his behaviour - he may not be aware of it. 

Knowing when to draw a line in the sand is a very personal thing, which I think no one can tell you. However, one way of knowing where your boundaries are is to reflect on how much are you willing to give? How much can you actually give (emotionally, physically, financially etc)? What are your intial thoughts on these questions?

Having boundaries is ok. Many people feel guilty when they set boundaries (me included!), but it is so important that you look after you. If you're tired and worn out, it doesn't do justice to your relationship with your son as resentment can start to take over compassion. 

Please take a look around the Forums and connect with others. One person that comes to mind is @Jo, who has has an adult son who has bipolar whome she care for. She just wrote in this this thread tonight.  In addition, @Grasshopper3 and @patientpatient have written here about caring for their sons.

[Suki1]

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my story. I do recognise his lack of insight has always been a problem. I hope to help him address a few worrying issues and we might be able to move forward in a more positive direction. 

[Former-Member]

@Suki1
On the "what's new" thread I have put some links to talks on lack of insight. These helped me greatly.

[NikNik]

Hi @Suki1 

You can find the post that Darcy is referring to here

I hope you're travelling okay.

Nik

[Former-Member]

hello @Suki1

I feel for you, every single word you have written about your son and his thoughts of his life being underthreat.

my son has fled the state and will not tell his father or myself where he is living. He has recently allowed contact via mobile. this was not the case for sometime.

yesterday i had many calls from him. He wanted me to ring two overseas numbers to see if they were operational as he said he was blocked. I actually rang the numbers, one was incorrect and the other had a recording in a foreign language.

he also wants me to ring the public health system as he believes the people who are after him have tampered with the mobile phone tower and overhead satellites as he is now receiving radiation from his phone.

Also all of the government federal agents are after him, have been paid millions of dollars by past people in his life. Even my husband. I just listen and attempt to change the subject after awhile. so very draining,.

I was in the middle of cooking dinner trying to write down everything that he said.

when he rang me back for about the fifth time and I told him that I could not do anymore that evening i received a string of abuse again.

I had also sent him a text message earlier. i received a reply to that which was f... off.

I now realise that I am terrified of him, how to speak to him without further upsetting the voices in his head. This is impossible for even highly trained mental health people to achieve so why am I setting myself up to fail dismally?

my low self-esteem from experiencing abuse in former relationships. i am now feeling angry with myself.

I can only do so much and I need to realise that I am the one who is looking after me. Others do not understand unless they have been in this situation themselves.

I hope that you are receiving counselling yourself, just to vent your feelings.

keep venting on here.

I find reading posts of other's dreadful experiences a help. I am appalled at the fact that others too are experiencing such horror. The parent child relationship when threatened has such awful repercussions I know only too well.

I can only say to you what others have said to me. look after yourself and the rest orf your family. In doing this you are not forgetting your son. He is out of control as is mine. They need to seek help. If they choose not to they have to live their lives as they unfold. We can just be there when they reach out again without hurting us. I know that my love for him will not change.

[Former-Member]

hello @Owlunar @Former-Member

You both have shown much compassion in responding to my posts.

You asked me to keep in touch with any news

I found this thread today after an upsetting evening

I responded and have tagged you to let you know where i am

I am really struggling with whose thread I respond to and with whom I tag as not wanting to overload anyone else. I know that people say that is what the site is all about. sadly i see that for everyone else but not for me. i am at the bottom of the list.

so as hard as it was for me to tag you this is a step back up the slippery slope for me

thanking you both in advance xx

[Former-Member]

hello @Suki1

Just to let you know I have written a response with an update on the situation with my son.

If you want to follow another thread it is under Carers forum- where to get help

every day almost is different

the nature of the symptoms that they have means nothing stays the same

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

I could really cry for you - and it's enough that I feel that way - my tears will not help though

I have been through a lot of what you have - but my son died when he was 16 and my first feeling was relief - though that did not last long - grief has a long story embedded in the word itself

But although my son never got to the stage of having a mobile phone - people didn't then - and of course never went overseass - or talked about people out to "get him" - he would drink to excess and get in my face and it is hard to cook the dinner with that happening - I understand what you mean about the texts while you are cooking Mohill

I do - I DO KNOW - what you are talking about - it is a constant state of emergency - and I am sure people can't know unless they have been there - I mean - the best meaning people will try and imagine but unless someone has been in that place - waiting for that phone call - waiting for that message - having police interaction all the time - really - we have to live on that tight-rope of expectation being really bad because it has a habit of happening all the time

LIfe loses a sense of normality - how can we live otherwise - it's not something we imagine and - also - if we forget it for a moment it comes back at us -

I getcha Mohill - I do understand - though I don't think I read this before

Dec

I am glad you tagged me to this thread

[Former-Member]

Hello @Owlunar 

thank you the tears are flowing quickly

your words help me so much and please let me return the compassion.

Your grief has been with you for so long; time does not change this

i cannot express to you how you feel now after all of these years with an empty space within you

i can let you know that i will hold you, rock you in my arms and grieve with you

know that you are and always will be such a loving mother xxxxx