My special place

[Snowie]

On hold again

Thanks anyway

[Ru-bee]

It does really sound like you need this break today @Snowie I'm glad you're able to make that choice and put your needs first right now

I'm also proud that you're able to make that call again. I'm sitting with you while you're on hold

[Snowie]

Made a plan @Ru-bee now just have to follow it.

Thanks for sitting with me

[Ru-bee]

I'm just finishing up but I wanted to check in before I hopped off for the night, I'm really glad you were able to make a plan @Snowie making it is half the battle, you got this! 

I'll talk to you later 💜

[Snowie]

MIL had second stent put in today. Not sure where to from here. Getting hold of the doctor is hard work. Moved to another room. Sharing now. No private health cover so stuck where she is.

Spoke to psych this morning via tele health. Hate speaking into a computer. At least she is back from holiday.

She said things will get better if I put in the effort. Told her I don't believe her and that I don't really care. Over it all. Over myself. 

[AuntGlow]

Good afternoon @Snowie, 

I am glad you got an appointment with your psych. What kind of effort is she exploring with you?

I understand that sense of disbelief and just being plain over it... sometimes it can truly feel like things won't shift. But they absolutely can (usually right after we want to give up, so please keep trying where you can!). 💛💛

[Snowie]

It's not hard effort @AuntGlow 

Just trying to get outside most days, get off the couch, journal, try and get at least 7000 steps a day, do some sort of activity, use my sp. I have a list of things I can try. Things I should be able to do quite easily.

Yet I'm at that point where I don't know why I bother nor do I care. Just cancel all my appointments. Give them to someone who cares about themselves. 

[AuntGlow]

These are all seemingly simple things in isolation, but put them altogether, and they really do take a lot of focus and effort. So, if it's hard to do it all right now, that makes sense. You may just need a bit more time to build up to fitting everything in - and that's okay. @Snowie 💛

It sounds like this part of you is feeling really tired and overwhelmed. What might need to change for you to connect to that sense of care? 

[Ru-bee]

Hey @Snowie reading through this, I wouldn't say that these are easy things to do each day. I definitely don't do all of these things even though I want to and know that I'd feel better if I did. They are achievable, but they're not easy, they do take effort especially when you're going through a hard time. 

[Snowie]

I realise that I won't do them all in a day @AuntGlow  but I'm struggling just to do even one of them at the moment. I used to care, but as I said to my psych, I just don't care anymore. Yes you can suggest different things, but that doesn't mean I'll try them. I just figure I'd fail anyway.

That motivation feel like it has disappeared.

@Ru-bee the list just seems so out of reach. When my psych normally mentions something, I'd normally say I'd give it a go, but not today. Today was just why bother.

She said something about losing hope. I feel like it's gone.