My special place

[GezzaP]

I picked a theory book that I thought would be dull. But agreed it may not work. A novel would suck me in though. When I’m not hypomanic I go back to sleep easily when I wake up to go to the loo.

Yes hope GP can do mental health care plan, as psych is expensive. 
How you doing?

[Snowie]

Your gp should be able to make a plan with you @GezzaP 

I'm going ok. Have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow which is good.

Will be in bed soon, not much sleep last night.

[GezzaP]

I hope GP can do. She sounded positive when I asked her about it yesterday will make a booking tomorrow.

My psychiatrist only works Tuesdays she will call next week. I don’t see her face to face anymore.

I hardly drive anymore since I caused an accident. I have lost all my confidence and am very anxious when I drive. I literally shake sometimes and I feel I’m unsafe. It is annoying. Should drive more to regain my confidence.

I’ll be off to bed soon too. Just put heat pad on my back for one last time before going to bed.

Hope your appt goes well tomorrow. Look after yourself @Snowie 

[Snowie]

I normally only speak to my psychiatrist over the phone too @GezzaP. His over an hour away and in the city. Just don't want to have to deal with all the traffic.

Hoping your appt. goes well today and you feel comfortable with them.

[GezzaP]

@Snowie Appt was quite good. Didn’t sleep well last night. At optometrist getting cataracts checked. Had to get a taxi as I was too tired to drive. Might walk home or get another taxi see how I feel.

Thought I’d garden this afternoon. Also going to roast rack of lamb and veggies.

Hope you are ok today.

[AuntGlow]

Good afternoon @Snowie,

I hear you, it can be hard to remember our strategies and plans when we are dysregulated. Does your partner help remind you?

Oh my goodness, he is the gold standard. I love this so much. 🥺 

I am glad. 💛

I get that completely... hmm, maybe you could say to her, "I am not at risk right now, but I would like to share some of the more unsafe thoughts I have had, so that I am able to process them." 

But obviously completely up to you. 🥰

[Snowie]

I don't normally tell him if I am dysregulated @AuntGlow. He might know something is up, but not the extent of it. I could count on one hand the number of times I've dissociated when his been home. Normally a lot of it happens when I'm alone.

However he cannot be home with me all the time, so it's in these times where I need to rely on myself and my supports.

I know I am lucky to have him. I don't take that for granted. I realise I am luckier than a lot of people who don't have that support.

Even telling my psych just a little is hard for me. Lots of times I close down with my psych, even though I trust her. I think it stems back to my childhood and the CSA. I was told to keep quiet. Told no one would believe me. Even with my parents, I was to be seen but not heard. My opinion/thoughts wasn't valued. Even now with other people I find it hard to express my opinion even if I disagree with them. Normally I just nod my head and say yes.

So by me writing some of it down or saying it out loud is a huge step.  

I do like that line about being safe atm but needing to share my thoughts. I think my psych would like that too.

[Snowie]

So spoke to pdoc. Told him almost everything. Spoke about sh and si and what I've been doing.

Came up with a few band aid solutions. Wants me to ring him if things get worse and to use sp.

He wanted to speak to H. Luckily he isn't home. 

Another appt. next week now.

So for now, ect is continuing.

[GezzaP]

Glad you were able to open up mostly @Snowie 

[Eve7]

Well done for being so honest @Snowie that must have been hard to do. I’m on weekly visits too as it was either that or an admission.

I have a training session this afternoon which is better than the physics swirling around in my brain lol There’s a zoom meeting at 8pm and I’m going to be honest with the tutor before I get any more overwhelmed.