Lived Experience Forum

[A_Z]

Im 25 y/o, throughout my life I considered myself to be perfect, smart, high-achiever student and generally hard-working in every aspect of my life, life was just going too well for me. It started 3 years ago when I moved to Australia to study. Everything just crumbled into pieces. I now have crippling anxiety and depression, I lost myself, lost who I was before, now I’m just depressed and anxious most of the times, chronic overthinker, overly disappointed with who I have become, pessimistic and just empty. Barely hanging onto life, Im tired all the times, its easier for me to spend all day in bed than to walk outside for 10 mins. Things are just hard to do. Everyday I would google “how to fight anxiety” or “what can you do when you are depressed” or “how to sleep”. I wish I could take my brain and heart out so I don't have to experience this pain, it gets too much. I’m just watching my days go by, seeing my future falling apart. This is not the life I wanted, never wished for this to happen. I am fighting all the times, everyday. Is there really light at the end of the tunnel? Because its still dark at the moment

[TuxedoCat]

hey there @A_Z welcome to the forums ❤️ I'm TuxedoCat, one of the peer workers and moderators here on the forums. That means I've got my own experiences of mental health challenges but am mostly "on the mend". I hope you find our community supportive and helpful for your recovery journey ❤️ 

it sounds like you were so brave in moving here for study and it was a massive change. It's no wonder things have become so difficult for you ❤️ I know for me, there were times when the darkness felt like it wouldn't end. But it did end for me. There are times I still feel really low, but those are pretty rare now. 

I'm wondering how you've been managing so far? Do you have anyone that you can talk to? 

Also, I'm wondering what you mean by "barely hanging onto life"?

Our community can help you feel more connected and share what's worked for us, but I thought I'd share a few options too

• SANE drop-in counselling line on 1800 187 236 (closed over long weekend) our via webchat
• Most universities and collages also have some free counselling
• You could speak to a GP about your experiences too

Take care and I'm looking forward to getting to know you ❤️ 

[A_Z]

Hey @TuxedoCat, thank you for your lovely comment, glad to know I’m not the only one ❤️ 

I have my GP that I see at least once a month but its always just medication’s review, psychologist and follow-up - doesn’t really help much, my psychologist has been MIA 🙃.

Other than that, I have got a supportive partner, his mom and my sisters that I talk to pretty often. Re ‘barely hanging on to life’ - I guess barely living my life, not doing as much as I wanted to, feels like a failure, no motivation, just awful everyday, constantly googling ‘how to be happy’

but I know I want to get better, for my self, for my loved ones. Seeing my partner cried when I tried to end my life was just so painful, and I regretted it for trying to take the “easy way out” - it wasnt easy in the first place. I try to suck a little bit less every single day, but living with Mr Bobby (my anxiety) and Ms Lola (depression) can be impossible sometimes XD 

I’ve tried a lot of things, some works, most don’t, but I’m not willing to give up 🙌🏻 

Thank you for sharing about your experience, I am sure it wasn't easy for you too 🥺🥺

[TuxedoCat]

It sounds like you have some wonderfully supportive people around you, and you've done some great things to take care of yourself @A_Z ❤️ 

I hear a lot of hope in what you wrote too. That's the best thing to have in your corner!

I'm going to tag sone of our Community Guides who could maybe share their story or just say hello too @Anastasia  @AussieRecharger  @BPDSurvivor  @Faith-and-Hope  @HenryX  @jem80  @Judi9877  @NatureLover  @outlander  @Shaz51  @ShiningStar  @Snowie  @Hams  @wellwellwellnez  @Zoe7  @Aniela  @Boo13  @maddison  @pinklollipop15  @Eve7 

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @A_Z , it's good to have you here. A lot of us here have depression and anxiety, they can really suck. I'm glad you have some support around you, although your psychologist being MIA is not good 😞

I want to echo @TuxedoCat  in saying that things can and will get better - my severe depression did go away in the end, after I stayed 3 years in bed with a nervous breakdown and intense SI (suicidal ideation). This was 14 years ago, and since then I have just had some S.A.D. depression, nothing too severe (Seasonal Affective Disorder). 

Some things that helped me at the end of the 3 years in bed were: being referred to a new psychiatrist who changed my antidepressants to something stronger (we're not allowed to mention names or doses of medication); starting talk therapy with the new psychiatrist; and my mum giving me some multivitamins, which was what started me feeling better and having a bit of energy. 

I really hope you can start feeling a bit better soon, with some hope and peace... 🤞