Lived Experience Forum

[Arizona]

Hello, I'm extremely depressed today and don't have much energy. It's hard to write so please bear with me.

I'm calling for help and support from other cyclists. Here is my story...

Last year I bought a mountain bike. It's a Trek Marlin 7. I hadn't ridden a bike for over 20 years, when I used to live in Melbourne and ride around the city. I had a hybrid bike back then.

When I bought my mountain bike I became a passionate cyclist. I loved it. I had forgotten how much fun it was. I rode every day. 

I had become very unfit over the years and it took about six months of riding every day to get fit again. Each day I got stronger and stronger. And, best of all, I didn't have any depression or anxiety when I rode my bike.

But over time riding my bike started causing me a lot of pain, mainly in my knees and the back of my neck. It became so unbearable that I had to stop. 

I had some bike mechanic friends assess my bike and it turns out it's too big for me (and this is what was causing the pain). They tried adjusting it for me but nothing helped. I stopped riding altogether and I became very depressed.

I want to buy a new bike, a smaller bike, and I know what bike I want but I'm afraid to spend the money. It's a long story but I have a lot of bills to pay.

I never used to be afraid of spending money but now I'm the kind of person who is afraid of everything. I never used to be like that. 

I'm thinking of buying the bike I want. I tried to buy it twice but both times I cancelled the lay by. I wish I could have this bike and I wasn't too scared to buy it. I need some help and encouragement. I want to be a passionate cyclist again.

What makes me sad is that I had a dream/goal to be super fit and active, and I felt like, when I started riding my mountain bike, that I could realistically achieve this goal. 

Please help. I would be very grateful for your support. 

PS I'm too tired to go over this, edit it and rewrite it etc. I hope it makes sense.

[TheVorticon]

I really hope you can get your new bike. Have you sold the old one? Because you might consider that any money you get for the old one is already paying for the new one, so it's not such a big purchase that you're making.

I just ride for my commute to work, but it's definitely something worthwhile for me. Three years ago I injured my knee due to poor cycling form and muscle imbalance. It took me about 1.5 years before I could start working my way up to riding again (because I didn't really know how to sort it out and felt stupid at the doctor's), then another half year to get back to 5 days a week because I'd need to rest it between rides. So I've been back 5 days a week (except when it's stupidly rainy and I don't want to start and end every day with wet clothes and mud and dirt grit everywhere) for almost a year now. It gives me something to focus on and a way to achieve something each day even if nothing else is going well.

Maybe another way to think about it is that depression is costly too, more costly in the long term than money. But I know only you can make the call if its something you can legitimately afford at the moment.

[Last-Lament]

Hi @Arizona You're doing many things to support yourself, and that's a good thing! 

I used to cycle, but cannot any more due to pain, and can relate to your own sense of loss.

What I'm getting a sense of, by reading your post, is that you know, or at least are pretty darn sure riding will help, and you're willing to give it a proper go. BUT, you're concerned about spending a significant amount of money (or maybe any money - and I get that) on an item that might not be the best tool for the job you want to do. 

I don't really have the wherewithall right now to write as indepth as I'd like, but I want to try to help if I can, so please forgive me if I don't explain things at length. 

Would it help if you could get some information from those mechanic friends who assessed your previous bike, about the new bike you want to buy?

I've know some overseas people who used adult tricycles - almost like a recumbent gym bike - when theire arthritis stopped them from riding an upright bike. 

I expect you've already thought about the landscape you'll be riding across, the hills and valleys, type of roadsurface, you're own posture and how that impacts on your pain levels. 

Hopefully, this will be of some use in teasing out what you need to find out to feel more confident in your decision making. 

[Arizona]

Hi @TheVorticon and @Last-Lament 

Thanks very much for your replies. I'm very depressed at the moment and not able to answer (in a way that I would like to). I will come back as soon as I can 😊

[Arizona]

Hi @TheVorticon and @Last-Lament 

I'm sorry about the delay in replying. I'm just waiting for my therapist to call me. I would like to talk to her about it first. Then I have to go to the supermarket and buy some food. I just wanted to let you know that I haven't forgotten you. I appreciate your support ❤

[Last-Lament]

Hi @Arizona  thank you for being so timely in letting us (myself & TheVorticon ) know we have been heard, that is very thoughtful and kind of you, especially when you are feeling so low at the moment. 

There is no hurry, for me, for you to respond at any length. 

Talking to your therapist is a really good idea too. 

I always take a long time, months to years, doing research, questioning just exactly what it is I want from a purchase (especially a big one for my budget), and if I've tried anything similar in the past and why it might or might not work for me now. 

I used to cycle, and for many reasons, was unable to do so, so thought buying and using one of those floor under the desk type of wheel sets for exercise might be a useful thing to try. Got one and used it diligently, just like my advisors suggested, only to learn that the muscle use is exactly what provokes the horrible long term pain situation I have with a damaged lower spine and the associated 'stuff' around that. 

I mention that because every now and then I get the bright idea that using one of those cycle things might help me get a bit fitter than I am, then I remember, Ah, yeah, NO, I remember the pain, the awful, awful pain of what happened, and my doctor telling me with the pelvic problems I have, that type of cycling movement in any form is a no no for me for life now. So basically, I have to be my own devil's advocate, so to speak when my brain has these moments of thinking I'm still 17 instead of pushing 70!  

I had a look at some videos about correct posture for cycling, and it's really interesting to have the information shown clearly about the angles for feet, knees, hips and how the get the correct angle for handlebars etc. If knowledge of that is something that is impacting on whether or not you have chosen the best bike for yourself, perhaps having a look at some of those would help - I just typed 'correct posture for cycling' into the search box and it brought up some nice info. 

I hope you're having a better night. 

[Arizona]

Hi @Last-Lament 

No worries. Thanks very much for your reply. I'm feeling much better now. 

I wasn't able to talk to my therapist but I'm not worried about it. 

I have good news! I have been in contact with the manager at the bike store and my bike is still available. He's going to call me tomorrow. Yay! 

I will explain more after I have spoken with him.

@TheVorticon 

[Arizona]

Hi @Last-Lament  and @TheVorticon 

I have bought the bike and I'm picking it up sometime this week!

I feel like I'm getting a cold and I need to take a break from going online. I think I have been online too much lately. I will let you know when I have my bike.

Thank you very much for your support. It has been really helpful talking about this.

[TheVorticon]

Whoo! Congratulations on the bike purchase @Arizona!
Although that sucks about getting a cold. I hope you can rest up and feel better soon.
See ya around.

[Last-Lament]

Oh @Arizona  that's so exciting about your bike!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!f

sorry about the cold though. Rest up, get well really quickly so you can go riding soon. 

Thanks for letting us know and share virtually in your joy at your achievement.