Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[outlander]

sorry @Sophia1 im abit late now...
im online anyway, im researching something for my assignment so checking in here abit tonight

[outlander]

@Former-Member i shouldve tagged you in post above too, i enquired about some respite today. i havent gotten much further yet but i did ask.

[Sophia1]

Dear @outlander 

I am thinking the overall tone of your response is one from the edge of the dreaded d word...depression...

I am not medically trained....I have long term lived experience and now after all these years can actually pinpoint when it is lurking..

your mention of stuck between caring too much and not caring at all signifies to me from my own experience only that is the borderline before the chasm...

Any person not experiencing long term or deep depression would not understand my reasoning here...

I am on here occasionally but do follow your posts that I can find within my time limits...

I have been thinking for some time that depression was around you...

Booking respite in advance....excellent action ...self care....vital...

This signifies that you are not in the depths of depression.,.

However...now is the time to express whatever you can in a safe environment..

utilise whatever supports that you have in place....no matter how often...explain that you need to vent not bury your emotions...thoughts...this is very important...I learnt this too late ...hence long term...

whichever helpline you relate to most....ring it...start with I dont know what to talk about...I just need to know that someone is on the other end listening...caring...helping me get my breathing back into a regular pattern...

ask them to talk to you about something if you cant talk to them...just have a conversation with a real person who you are not responsible for...

Enough ...I am writing too much yet again..

I will try to check in on you soon...

Use the worry room too...that helps I know...

If only you could know how much you mean to so many....

Into my arms ....holding you ....not letting you go...

💚💜💛

[Former-Member]

Thats okay @outlander . And well done on enquiring about respite.

I tagged you, and others (including you @Sophia1 ) this morning on my Carers thread where I provided an update.  Nobody responded, which is unusual, not even a support button. I think notifications were playing up earlier. Can you tell me if you got a notification, or not?

Sherry

[Sophia1]

Hello @Former-Member 

I just had a quick look..

No I did not receive a notification...

I found you on the young carers first I think then followed you to the tuesday topic...where I wrote a long reply...

groan...what is new!..only to find out that when I posted it...the discussion had finished....laugh...

I shall try to find you again soon.

I am very weary now and need to go and lay down..

We shall meet again somewhere somehow ....🌺

[outlander]

thank you @Sophia1 you never write to much. ever. i like reading what you say.
I have been diagnosed with Depression, anxiety, c-ptsd and bpd so im not to much of a stranger to it but the depression has gotten worse. its the worst its been for a while or maybe your right its been lurking but not enough to strike or enough to worry about before. the bad things are coming back in like sh and SI. awful things they are.

i struggle with helplines for that very reason Sophia, i never know what to say even when things are bad. i go blank. i guess that is why they are there also..


thanks @Sophia1

[outlander]

i didnt recieve any notifications @Former-Member otherwise i wouldve been to look and support at the very least. ill have a look.

[Sophia1]

Hello @outlander 

You certainly have quite a diagnosis there to come to terms with let alone deal with...

In the midst of this you are caring for how many people?

Where and how do you find time to care for you Outlander?

I do understand how much your pop means to you...

At the same time you have already given so much valuable time of your young years...

Obligations and guilt have so much to answer for as far as emotions I believe...trust me  speak from experience...

Yes depression does creep up gradually...lurks in the background....

Sadly which is not depression as many people think.that depression is sadness.... it is not ...might start out with some feelings of sadness...

Depression is exactly what the term means....depressed emotions of a conglomeration of sadness...pain...hurt...grief...disbelief...lack of expression...dismissal...feeling unloved...feeling unloveable...feeling worthless... different...not fitting in...useless and so much more...evolving into nothingness...

these are all genuine feelings...natural feelings at any given time any human being might feel...

feeling ashamed....unworthy and so on because of these feelings does happen and this is when a qualified specialist is most beneficial..

sometimes it takes trying several to find the fit that works....bearing in mind that these specialists have their own personalities that come with their qualifications...

Outlander this is your time now....others need to step up and arrange support for the time that you are not available to help your pop...

Your pop has other relatives...

often people are not forthcoming in offering support and care...it takes people with a special empathic disposition to take on this role in many cases...

then there are times where others have to step up as a result of potential burnout of the carer...

I know that you have been told this over and over...

I know that you are forever grateful and appreciative of all of the support that you have on here...

Each and everyone of those supporters wants you to be there for you...

Now is the time...

Long term depression is not a good place to go to...

As always your choice....

You will be supported whatever decision you make...

Please do this one thing...make the decision around your needs only at this time...you have done this for so long for others...

Sophia 💜💛💚

[outlander]

Thanks so much @Sophia1 💕 💜💛

It's super hard to put myself first when I get lots of those emotions and thoughts like being unworthy etc and also putting others first feels like it's so ingrained it's almost impossible to change and without it iidont really know who I am when Im not a carer /helperbwhether it's pop or someone else  but.. I will atleast try and I will try to get a much better balance then where I'm at now. I have lots to work on and practice I think. I know healing and change won't happen overnight but baby steps count too.......positive steps

[Former-Member]

Have you had another tough day @outlander