Lived Experience Forum

[Turtle_guns]

I've chatted to a couple of mates today. I think I will book in with the GP. I've booked in with a counsellor but can't get in for a couple of weeks. I just want my life to be back to normal and my wife to love me

[NatureLover]

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@Turtle_guns wrote:

I think I will book in with the GP. I've booked in with a counsellor but can't get in for a couple of weeks.

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It's definitely worth getting on top of your mental health concerns.. Good plan, to see the GP and a counsellor. 

I hope you can stay safe, @Turtle_guns .

[Rainforest]

Good on you @Turtle_guns for reaching out for support here, to your mates and your GP.  You deserve to be supported through this tough time so that you don't have to go through it alone 

[Skewd]

Hi there @Turtle_guns !

Just wondering if you are still feeling connected to your child and if maybe you could spend time taking your child out in the open air once a day, with or without your wife. A walk out in nature is likely to help you, your child and your wife (who might herself be experiencing post-natal difficulties and not even realizing it, because these do not always come straight after having a baby). Give your wife the option of joining you or of having time at home alone. Make the walk (or just connection with nature in the garden) a daily event that you bring to your family. Your mood is likely to lift if you can meet your child's pace and interests and enter a more child-like wonderous perspective for the time of that outing.

Another healing activity is to sit and read with your child for 30 mins a day. Again, you could make this your activity with your child. It doesn't have to be at bedtime. It is a good quietening and enriching activity for you both. If your child develops a liking for this time, then you and your wife (if it interests her too) could alternate the reading and meal-preparation with each other day by day. This could help you both feel more human and unified, even though you'd be doing different activities, because you'd be sharing responsibilities.

One more thing, when your child is asleep, factor in technology-free time with your wife, to connect with each other again. Even if this means simply sitting together in silence watching the sun set, it develops companionship. 

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @Skewd ! I see you're a new member... I hope you're enjoying the forums...

Just letting you know that to send a notification to another member that you're speaking to them, you can type @ and then click on their name in the drop-down box. This will let them know you've replied to them, so they won't miss your message. A very useful tip!

See you around 🙂

[Skewd]

Hi there!

It sounds as though you are feeling abandoned; you mention extended family being interstate and your children growing up, not to mention difficulties connecting with health professionals. It's hard to then focus on positives in your life and on interests you have (or once had), which could carry you forward in your own life. After all, with grown up children, your own life is going to return to be your focus.

Many parents come to the end of the intensive parenting years having lost sense of who they are, what interests and motivates them, what they are now going to do with themselves...and can easily get stuck focusing on health matters, which have an uncanny way of taking centre-stage towards middle-age. Some people feel this change keenly in their youth, on leaving school behind, feeling adrift in life proper. Does this ring at all true for you now? If your health permits, any one of getting paid work, changing jobs, starting volutary work, learning a new skill or joining an interest group could help you meet new people and develop new, non-parenting, non-familial networks, that might help you build a new sense of self and of life and of being there to support others, who in turn might support you too.

[Skewd]

Thanks! I couldn't work that out.

[Skewd]

Hi there @Jules273 !

It sounds as though you are feeling abandoned; you mention extended family being interstate and your children growing up, not to mention difficulties connecting with health professionals. It's hard to then focus on positives in your life and on interests you have (or once had), which could carry you forward in your own life. After all, with grown up children, your own life (and health) is going to return to be your focus.

Many parents come to the end of the intensive parenting years having lost sense of who they are, what interests and motivates them, what they are now going to do with themselves...and can easily get stuck focusing on health matters, which have an uncanny way of taking centre-stage towards middle-age. Some people feel a similar change keenly in their youth, on leaving school behind, feeling adrift in life proper. Does this ring at all true for you now? If your health permits, any one of getting paid work, changing jobs, starting volutary work, learning a new skill or joining an interest group could help you meet new people and develop new, non-parenting, non-familial networks, that might help you build a new and positive sense of self and of life and of being there to support others (who in turn might support you too).

[NatureLover]

Hi again @Skewd , well done on the tagging 👍

I should've also mentioned that you can edit your posts to include the tags for people by clicking on the "Post Options" at the top of your post, then clicking on "Edit post". 🙂

[Lostandalone]

Welcome to the forums @Jules273  @Turtle_guns 

you have taken the first step in your journey by coming here and reaching out.... there are so many wonderful people here who will listen to your story... offer any advice they are able... or just sit with you and hold your hand virtually while you cry it out 

you are no longer alone.... we are all here because we are on a journey ... our journeys may be different.. but the one thing we have in common is we can all be here to support one another

relax ... take some deep breaths and stay safe... ask questions... share problems... do not be afraid .... I am assured there is hope out there and a light at the other end of the tunnel.... take my hand and let's find it together