Lived Experience Forum

[Swansong]

I don't know if I am actually at peace... I feel no sadness or happiness.  I am existing and doing what I must.  I have adrenal fatigue from grieving and stress... And less sleep but am I getting better?  Or have I built a strong enough cocoon around me that I am so numb I don't feel anything anymore?  I don't know.  This is new.  I am comfortable where I am... I can't be bothered with change.. And I gave up caring about what other people think. I am living for me... Getting by... Getting things done quietly.  I have been still enough to make it to this new place of peace.  Her peace feels good.  Have I made it through the forest of grief? Is this what awaits if we are patient and cry and call the name of dad who will never return long enough so that the tears run out?  I can breathe again.  

[Truffles]

We're all here to support you this morning @Swansong

[Zoe7]

Hey @Swansong I can relate in the sense that I feel quite numb at present to loss. I still have moments of tears and feel the losses painfully in moments then I revert back to the numbness. For me it is a coping mechanism - have felt way too much loss in the past year and with each loss I feel a little piece of my heart has been taken and a little piece of me has been shutdown as a result. I do not think there is any right or wrong way to grieve nor any right or wrong way to get through such - you finding that place of peace is a good thing - it is an acceptnce that you cannot change your loss but you can begin to move forward in your own way ...which you seem to be doing well.

It may be that the numbness is what is needed right now to protect yourself from the pain - the absence of sadness or happiness would suggest that you mind/body is protecting you from ny further pain at present. This is not a bad thing as it helps you get through each day. ...but we all deserve to be happy so I hope you begin to find just a little in each day that can bring you some joy ...then work on each one of those things to smile and feel that happiness again.

[wellwellwellnez]

The word "stoic". Comes to mind. Not happier, not sadder but a sort of emotionally neutral kind of balance or strength. That's what the thing you're saying sounds like.