Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Hi @Maggie, your post made me smile this morning, from the heart - thank you. Glad daZi has surfaced, and you're aware. Part of a whole, I so relate. You have a great day 🙂

[-Rayne-]

This is probably a better place @Former-Member

We used to live in a country town and many of us liked it because they found the environment calming. When we first moved to inner-city Melbourne it was hard for them but now that we're accessing services - a range and quality we never even knew existed before - I think the consensus is that this is the best place for us now. We can always take a weekend drive when we need to see trees, open spaces and a big sky. But the disparity in services is immense. We need to be here. And given what you've shared, I think your judgment is sound. I would do the same.

[-Rayne-]

Hey, this thread is all quiet now but wanted to let y'alls know that we changed our name. 

Briar was one of us who joined here  but hasn't been fronting for more than a year so doesn't come here anymore. It made sense to change it to something we can all live with (plus more acceptable gender-wise) so this is it. 

Hope everyone's doing ok.

[Maggie]

Hi everyone on this thread, and those in the background. I just need to talk with others who understand, it's such a lonely experience and can be so OUT THERE. I've just returned from a Drs app, always stressful even though I actually like this one so far. Another med change. Does anything ever work. I thought I'd pass it by my dr that different parts have different conditions. She listened and I felt coped as well as can be expected when faced with the outrageous. It seems a lonely road even among the MI understanding and acceptance. At times I actually feel ashamed I went to such extremes to live, that is if this is classed as living. Just wanted to post where I felt some would actually GET IT. Thanks if anyone reads.

[-Rayne-]

Hi @Maggie

I get how hard it is to tell people and how stigmatised this way of being is. Truly.

Please don't ever be ashamed though. What you - we - did was amazingly creative, it was super- that is, extra-human and as such, beautiful. 

You probably made your doctor think extra hard today. Maybe the next one of us she sees won't have to explain. If so, you would rock 🙂

[Teej]

Hey @Maggie. I don't 'get it' as such as it is beyond my experiences but I can try to imagine what you are going through. I really loved @-Rayne- response. I never saw it as outrageous by the way. I see it as it is what it is and see your bravery in talking about it with your GP. I think anytime we share tricky stuff with our GPS it makes us braver and helps someone else understand more about being human. My tricky stuff isn't the same but it often feels to me to be shameful too. I'm beginning to understand that it shouldn't be though, it is what it is. I just wanted to share my thoughts. They may be helpful or not and although you posted here for someone who 'gets it' I thought it might be ok to say whilst I don't have DID experiences I have compassion for you. 💜🤗💐

hiya @-Rayne- too. Cool to see the explanation of the name change. I hope you are doing ok. It's been a while since I've 'talked' to you. Wishing you well 💜🤗💐

[Maggie]

@-Rayne- my counsellor says that also, the amazing creative thing. Thanks for hearing understanding and bloody well GETTING IT. Good name change.

[Maggie]

@Teej Thanks, the compassion is great, more than great, it's felpful. Btw, the new pic looks like a little more light for you, I hope so anyway. 💞💞

[LaceMarie]

Hi, I only posted one other time in here. I feel this is a safe place and wont be judged. I dont see my new trauma therapist until she has room for me, now im just seeing a good therapist but he doesnt work with Trauma or Dissociation.

So anyways. I dont feel like I have DID but i dont feel like I dont. I heard there is a spectrum for this diagnosis. I feel like i have a younger person and a really violent person but I have only had them front once and they did it together and i felt like I was in the back. Scared the hell out of me.

Im feeling comfortable in my healing process and am starting to try to dress the way I want, which is a really big deal to me but it feels like war in side of me now. My therapist says I dont have DID and says we all have different sides to us and we all dissociate a bit. Well I then answered well does your different sides to your self try to harm you and he said well no.

I also asked him why did I front then with those two in front and me in back if I dont have something close to DID. While trying to talk about this all to him my brain kept freezing up on me and I couldnt get words out of my mouth, I could think but couldnt talk and when I talked I couldnt think. I helped myself bypass that by writing things down. Anyways today I read about Mid continium and median, people who dont feel like a multiple or a singleton. What are your thoughts.

Might be triggering this next part ........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... I have bad dreams sometimes where children gang up on me and hurt me all over. I hate those dreams. Well one time I had a dream where I was trying to run away from fires and floods and I tried to cross this one floodly part and these kids jumped on my back cuz they couldnt make it across the water. But thier finger nails dug deep down into my skin and felt like those other kid dreams where they hurt me. Well once I crossed the water the kids got down and I saw one was disabled and couldnt walk and the other one was so very scared, they werent trying to hurt me they just needed help and were scared. So even though that was a dream and continuing dreams can parts of you show up in dreams???

[Maggie]

@LaceMarie I do know many therapists/psychs don't agree with DID and will call it by other names rather than use that diagnosis. There is a wide spectrum from having a few to having hundreds of others,  ( mine don't like being called alters). Sometimes it's good to do some homework yourself as you are the expert here, living with it/them 24/7. There's some good material here on the forum that might help, I'm hoping someone will direct you here as I don't know how to do that, call out to mods!!!!!I experience brain freeze also as well as having a few conversations going on at the same time. Like all illnesses, physical or mental, it's personal/individual. Personally I could well see things coming through dreams. It's good to talk here,,I also feel safe/ understood. Hope to talk some more if you want to. Warm thoughts.