Lived Experience Forum

[Learninggrowing]

I am confused and unsure if could use that term to describe myself but I got through periods of drinking excessive. Like before and after work and secretly..hiding it from my partner and friendsee.
Does that mean I'm an alcoholic. Should I look up AA support groups? Is that what I am.
I find it way too easy to turn to alcohol to numb the thought and pain I feel from generally feeling different from everyone else.
Please help with some advice on how to change these habits without my family and friends knowing my secret.

[TAB]

I think it all depends on how it affects you and people around you @Learninggrowing sometimes putting a name to behaviours/habits can be helpful, sometimes not. 

[Former-Member]

hello @Learninggrowing

it sounds like self-medicating which is what I did for a period. I dont believe labelling yourself an alcoholic to be helpful. i dont believe in labelling people full stop. that is me though and others are entitled to their own opinions too.

Go to your doctor and ask for a 12 month mental health plan with a psychologist - they should all know about self-medicating. or the doctor will know the best way to proceed. Be honest with the doctor about your thoughts, the amount and times of drinking and why you drink. All confidential. If it makes you feel safer ask the doctor to confirm this for you.

you probably wont get in until after january next year to see a specialist , perhaps your doctor would be happy to see you a few times in between. I dont know if you are on medication or not, if you are and you have depression the alcohol is actually a depressant and further exacerbates your depression. These are all things to discuss with your doctor. I am not medically qualified. Book a double appointment when you make it as well you dont need to explain to the receptionist why just that you need more time.

you have spoken about the alcohol concerns on here which is a huge step. Very hard to do. You are brave, you probably wont believe that, because self medicating further decreases our self esteem.

Be very proud of yourself in making this step it is the start of a new journey for you. You have done this, you have spoken out and said help me please. you want to help yourself because you are worthwhile and you love those you hide your drinking from.

Small steps and remember to acknowledge that you are doing this each step of the way.

Think of all who have done this before you and imagine that they are walking either side of you, with you on this new journey of recovery.

I am very proud of you.

sending you a big hug.

stay safe

[Lunar]

Hello @Learninggrowing,

I also think that perhaps seeing a counsellor or psychologist will be able to help you cope better and in a more helpful and supportive way than drinking.

It sounds like the constant hiding would be exhausting for you to manage so your family and friends don't know?

One way of coping in the mean time could be writing down your thoughts which lead you to drinking and seeing if you can address those thoughts by doing something else rather than drinking, such as exercise, relaxation (resting), seeing family or friends, watching a movie etc. This journal will also help you to have insight into your thought processes and you can bring that to your sessions if you do choose therapy. Writing is also generally a really helpful way of venting and releasing unwanted thoughts and worries that race over in your mind.

Are there things you like to do that make you feel better during the times when you aren't excessively drinking?

Lunar

[Newwave]

If you think your an Alcoholic then your probably not... alcoholics are usually in total denial of their habit. So can i ask these questions. What are you hiding from? What needs numbing? Is it time to have some sensative discussions with your partner to help you through what you are struggle with... their support may surprise you!
Good luck.
Newwave

[Former-Member]

Hello! just interrupting, gate crashing threads, grog in hand, kind of a 'pub crawl' to wish you all a Great New Year!!! Stay Strong! 🙂 xox

[Appleblossom]

Dont take our @Former-Member personally

She is doing this to all the threads .. OMG ... Sit still Girl

[utopia]

@Learninggrowing. Well done for saying this out loud on this site.
Are you an alcoholic - I don't know.
Do you have a problem with alcohol - yes.
Just as I have. I may drink everyday. I may not drink for a few days.
I may have one or two drinks.
I may have 4.
It's a problem for me when I decide to have a drink because I'm bored. Or because something has gone wrong. Because I'm resless, lonely, sad, angry.
Does this also sound like you?
I don't think it's always about how much we drink - but more, why we drink.
My psychokogist who I've been seeing for my depression and anxiety - is an ex drugd and Alcohol counselor - so he's been a big help in me trying to manage my alcohol.
I gave up for just over 3 months. Then was having a social drink only.
I've had a lot of drinks over this silly season. But I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I'm just going to go back to basics and stop again.
Can you talk to your partner about your concerns? Or has he/she brought it up before?
Talking to your gp and asking for a referral to a drug and alcohol counselor or a psychologist with experience in 'self medicating' - would be a good place to start.
Keep posting here and ask for support. You will get it, without judgements.
Again, well done for asking this question and being honest with yourself about your concerns.
2017 may be the year where you start looking after the 'whole of you" - mind body and spirit.
I look forward to chatting with you.

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member - You are such a hoot - love ya! 😅😅😅

@Learninggrowing

Some very wise advice above. I can only speak from experience as many, many years ago I was an alcoholic for quite a few years (10). I started heavily drinking at age 13 due to childhood abuse etc. If I were you I would speak to someone as when we start hiding our drinking that is usually indicating a problem. If you are missing days off work or events because you are drunk - or on the contrary, going to work/events, driving etc drunk is a sign that it's out of control. Chronic alcoholics cannot stop without intervention usually.

Dependency on alcohol to the point you cannot cope with adversity, problems or social events any other way is also a sign. When we can't face a day without it or drink to excessive in one day to the point of near annilation regularly (this site won't allow me to put in the word that best describes this?? (b drinking)

. When we cannot go long without craving it there is physical addiction present. When we cannot cope with life events/social events/low moods at all without seeking alcohol or any other type of drug to numb is psychological addiction. There can be functioning alcoholics to those who are drunk 24/7 from the moment they open their eyes (early morning drinking - a huge red flag). Another red flag is memory loss of what one did when drunk and total personality change. I don't think you are at that stage.

Best to seek intervention before it gets to the latter stage or the alcoholic stage if not already. All start with excessive drinking to cope. Either seeking psychological counselling or going along to an AA meeting to listen and hear others stories will also give you an idea where you are at. Doing both is what most in that situation do. It can't hurt but info and advice/coping strategies may prove helpful.

But you know there is a problem. You are "not in denial"  which is a good sign that you can prevent excessive drinking leading to a life time of addiction. Insight is the first step forward towards recovery and you have done that here. Well done. Second step is learning healthier more productive ways to cope with life stressors. Remembering if there is a will with patience there will always be a better way with no harm done in the mean time. That's the goal. Wishing you well 😊

[Shkurka]

You can enroll in the Online Alcohol Support Group on this site -- https://www.theluckiestclub.com/join-community, which is dedicated to drugs, alcohol, and other bad things that people want to get rid of. Try to apply there. Maybe they will help you and me in due time. I drank a bottle of wine or whiskey almost every day for about a year. It all depended on my mood. If the day was good, I drank wine; if everything was bad, I drank whiskey. And so, every day, and at one point, I realized that I could lose everything literally in a year. My profession, respect from my family, and I decided to enroll in a sobriety club and started attending it, and eventually, I stopped drinking.