Lived Experience Forum

[Mummytotwo]

Sorry ot reposted twice 😕

[Mummytotwo]

Hi, thankyou to everyone for their contributions to my story. I have just recently come out of hospital after a very bad week. I am on the road to recovery now thankfully with my past still sadly following me close behind.
I am seeking other alternitive measures to make sure I don't end up back in hospital again but am finding trying to get the "voices" out of my head a hard thing to do. I am now seeing a different social worker weekly who comes to my house to check up on myself and my son.

[Sahara]

@Mummytotwo,

it's really good to hear from you again. I'm sorry to hear that you ended up in hospital; would you like to talk about it? Was it due to your anxiety or mental illness symptoms or something else?  Sorry if I am being too curious, you don't have to reveal anything that you aren't comfortable with.

That's good that you have a social worker who comes to visit you. I hope he/she can give you some advice and that you can now follow through with a restraining order agianst your ex-husband. I also hope that you have some help in accessing all the support you need. I think it must be so hard to tread this path alone without any help.  

It's so sad to read what you have been through. I have to honestly say that your experience is beyond my ability to imagine... although I did have an ex-partner who was manipulative and emotionally abusive... it was not nearly to the same extent as what you went through. 

I hope that you can now begin to recover and feel safe again. Please let us know how you are doing.

[Mummytotwo]

Hi Sahara, I had a breakdown due to my aniexty and mental illness, it was a long time coming unfortunitly, me ex husband is back in town from a nice month long trip away to America, and knowing that he was due back anyday sent my aniexty through the roof, as I'm now back to looking over my shoulder where ever I go. I am currently fighting him to pay child support for our son which he refuses to pay for or help raise him, which makes me sad and upset that my son is being treated like this since my ex has a new partner (who he has been with for 5 years and has another son to) this was a result of his affair when he was working away overseas. I have my social worker visit me to make sure I am doing the best I can and she is lovely thankfully, as I don't trust to many people due to my past experiances of trusting people.
My stay in hospital was a long dragging process where I was fully medicated due to my self harm and risk to myself, and I guess in a way it has helped me ask for more support from agencies etc that I never knew existed from the mental health side of things. I am now medicated daily to try and "stop my thoughts" of self harm and the "voices" in my head and continually having horrible flash backs. I just really want to be the person I was before I met my abusive ex husband (a happy, carefree and helpful person), instead of a person who is scared daily of even leaving her house to even go grocery shopping or take my son to school, or even get out of bed in the morning to face the world.
Mental illness is such a scary thing to face and try and comprehend and I hope in time I will be back to being "who I want to be" for my sake and my sons sake also because sadly my mental illness rubs off on him and he see's my daily struggles with life.

[Former-Member]

@Mummytotwo, I'm glad you are ok, & accepted some help from service's.
Don't beat yourself up over anxiety, voices.
It's very common to victims of domestic violence.
Don't rush recovery.
Each day, is one foot in front of the other.
Are you now seeing a psychologist who can work through your thoughts processes, I.e: on self harm.
Together, you will find strategies that hopefully work for you.
A lot of discussion of late on the forum has been about accessing the right help or fit when it comes to psychologist care.
I've had people that have helped, & some that were no help at all.
Do make sure, they have experience with D.V.
In my experience people that dont can be very damaging to self recovery.
When I look back I actually get pretty angry on some of the meaning well advice I was given.
It put me in difficult positions that caused more harm then good.

I'm glad you are ok.
😊

[Sahara]

@Mummytotwo,

I'm glad you wrote back again. It was so reassuring to read that you find your social worker to be a lovely person. What a God-send! 

As @Former-Member also asked, do you see a psychologist now? And are you able to access the resources you need? I'm glad they looked after you properly in hospital and that you got the medication that you so needed. I remember being so sick with depression that I was thankful for medication being available, and it was the only thing that helped me when I was feeling very bad.... It probably saved my life.

Remember that happy, carefree person you once were and believe that you will become that person once again. Hugs.

[Mummytotwo]

Hi, I have been seeing a psychologist since November last year, she is helpful but doesn't actually work in the field of DV. I guess she is more there for me to "talk to". I haven't yet been able to access a DV psychologist as yet as I am unaware where any are in my suburb so at the moment I am just happy to be seeing someone to get my thoughts and feelings out I guess. I am just taking ine day at a time but even to function with that is proving difficult to bare.
Medication is helping but its also making me very tired and just wanting to sleep all the time which them puts me into a more depressed state of mind because I tell myself I shouldn't be resting or sleeping I should be doing the washing, or other house hold chores ...
I hope I get to become the person I once was again soon, feeling like I am and have been made to feel is a person I def am not or continue to want to be.
I'm so glad I found this forum before it was "to late". I feel unjudged here and its a nice feeling of knowing I am not "the only one".

[Former-Member]

Hi @Mummytotwo 😊💕

Good to hear that you're ok and have a social worker visiting.

Chat again soon. I need to sleep very soon, just wanted to say, "hello".

[MoonGal]

@Mummytotwo, I agree with @Sahara - I too have lived (a long time ago) in a relationship where my partner was abusive emotionally and physically.

In my honest opnion. what he says about you taking out an AVO is irrelevant, that is him still trying to control you.

It is a very different reality when you step out from his control. Only you can make the decision to do the AVO - I wonder if you could be in contact with a dedicated DV service (a quick google turned this one up Brisbane Domestic Violence Service- http://www.bdvs.org.au/contact-us

They would be very experienced and be able to assist you with advice and support.

You mentioned that you had lost a lot of weight, and that you are agoraphobic, is there anyone who could do some food shopping for you? Give you some practical help? 

I really feel for you in your terrible situation, keep on keeping on and get as much help as you can, it is hard to reach out but you have started. Centrelink social workers are not ther eto support, heal, help you through life crisis so much as keep you complaint to their forms and dictates. Try to get some professional help and if the counsellor you are seeing is not helping, I would honestly try to find another counseller. Someone who can help you with making practical decissions not just rehashing all the trauma.