Lived Experience Forum

[HenryX]

Hello @BPDSurvivor , @Gem17 , @Rosemary4 , @Judi9877 

and others visiting this thread

I had my daughter intervene after I had chastised her younger brother. She was 6 and he was 3 at the time. He had drawn on the wall. Something that may have been totally natural at kindy, but not so much at home. He raced off to the bedroom, crying.

A short while later, older sister virtually carried him into where I was in the kitchen. Her statement was to the effect that if he said he was sorry, Dad would give him a hug and a kiss.

Was she talking to her brother or to me? I have a feeling that it might have been both. Needless to say, the tension was broken and there is nothing better than making things good again.

I learned something that day that changed the way that I interacted with the children. I tended, after that, to acknowledge, that even at those ages, there is wisdom apparent. I was more engaging with the children after that. Tended to include them more than I might otherwise have, if not for that experience.

This is the adult daughter with whom I am re-establishing the relationship that I believe existed until she reached mid to late teenage years. The embers have stayed hot, thankfully.

Obviously, I cannot tell if there is some connection or similarity between your situation and mine, @BPDSurvivor , except the idea of including the children in the recovery after the fall.

With Best Wishes

@HenryX 

[BPDSurvivor]

Thank you for your heart felt response @HenryX . Children are very resilient - sometimes more than we think. Still, I wish I wouldn’t let my rage/anger manifest in front of them. But then again, they need to know I’m not perfect.

You sound like an awesome dad @HenryX . Being a parent is no easy thing. 

Hi @Gem17 @Rosemary4 - how are you all?

[Gem17]

Hi @BPDSurvivor 

It's like you read my mind and knew how much I needed a check in! I just got off the phone with my Dr (I hate telehealth but that's the only option at the moment with covid) and I'm feeling so overwhelmed. I find it really hard to advocate for myself and what I know I need because I'm constantly doubting myself. I went into the phone call with one goal, to get the referral I need for some additional support, and when I brought it up and tried to push for it she completely shut me down and started talking about other options which aren't really options for me. I'm so disappointed in myself. She will be making some calls today and then calling me back later today so I'm trying to work out whether it's worth bringing it up again but it feels like there's no point now because she's already shut it down once. 

I'm so frustrated feeling like I'm stuck in limbo, finally acknowledging that I need and want help but really struggling to get access to it. 

Sorry, rant over. I hope everyone else is doing ok! 

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @Gem17 ,

Im glad you were able to have that appointment today. There are various viewpoints surrounding what happened today. Firstly, I want to acknowledge how great it is that you were able to be prepared for your appointment; You were able to reach out; and, despite not receiving the outcome, you reflected rationally on where to next.

I’m not sure of how far you’ve come with your therapist. For me, if I had my therapist say no to something I wanted, I accepted it because I knew he was aware whether it would hinder or help my progress. However, if a particular doctor (who I don’t like) tells me the same things, I would fly into a rage.

For me, as someone with BPD, sometimes a ‘no’ to extra support from my treating was good for me. It empowered me so that I tasted of being able to do things for myself. As much as my dependent self wanted help and to be cared for and supported, it wouldn’t help me in the long run.

Conversely, there were times when I reached out because I really needed it. My treating team could see this and this put the required supports in place.

Youll have to determine which scenario fits your current situation.

When your therapist phones you later, an option is to tell them exactly what you’ve written here: “I noticed when I first mentioned getting extra support, you seemed to shut me down. The supports you have suggested don’t really fit my current situation. What do you suggest I do?”

This may result in them actually not realising they shut you down, or that they want you to know what you suggested isn’t the best option in the long run.

From a BPD perspective, I know many times I’ve only seen a situation from my one point of view, when really, there are other options. And in the past, I’ve needed others to direct my understanding to these alternatives.

All the best! What ever you choose, I’m here with you.

BPDSurvivor

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @BPD95 , how are you going? Just wanted to welcome you here to read away, share your insights or ask any questions you may have.

Experience makes us experts 😉

BPDSurvivor

[Rosemary4]

I yelled a my nephew's and nieces too much when babysitting, especially when stressed, whch I vowed I'd never do to kids, cause my mum was like this + physical.. Not that I put them down... got frustrated with them at times and sure I scared them a bit, now looking back, which I'm ashamed of. Ranting sucks 😢

[BPDSurvivor]

YeH, ranting does suk at times. On the other hand, it does remind everyone we are human!

How are you travelling today @Rosemary4 @Gem17 ?

[Rosemary4]

Hi @BPDSurviver, howvare you? Yeah, hopefully people can see past their own feelings to let us have a human moment too. Dad sure doted over my mum regardless of her huge outbursts, hurting everyone. I know we gotta be our own best friend and not beat ourselves up at least. I haven't yelled at anyone for many years now but I have snapped at people, or been too blunt.
Had a good chat with my neighbour today, who had her house broken into, keys stolen, and they drove off in her Yaris as she chased them down the driveway. How rude! She's so not streetwise leaving windows unlocked and on her own. But made me nervous now. Haven't bumped into her for months so glad I stopped while walking the dog today.

[BPDSurvivor]

Awww @Rosemary4 ! How awful for your neighbour! I’m so glad you were an ear for her. I know first hand what a theft is like. Even today, my subconscience seems to be alert to any noises, especially in the evenings. I don’t think it will ever leave me. They ransacked my place, stole my car keys etc. The shock  sent me to needing an inpatient stay. During my time away, the thief/ves came back and stole my car… ended up being a double stay in a psych ward.

I didn’t care so much as having lost goods, but I did care that my ‘safe space’ had been invaded.

Im sorry for ANYONE who goes through this. It has long standing effects.

As for the ‘human’ characteristics you have pointed out (snapping at people,yelling). It really does remind us that no one is flawless. 

Sleep is starting to come to me (thank God - it’s past 1am), but I have a very interesting observation to share with my fellow-forum friends here on this BPD thread.

Tune in tomorrow! I’ll tag you.

[Rosemary4]

Thanks @BPDSurvivor @BPDSurvivor, sorry you've lived through a breakin. Really affected you. . I've only had my handbag stolen out of my car, and even that made me feel so invaded. My neighbour is having trouble sleeping since. At least they found her car and arrested the two thieves

Good Night, sleep tight 😴