Depression Loneliness Isolation

[Lula]

Content/trigger warning

I live in a retirement village in a regional area in coastal NSW and there are people everywhere.
But depression and anxiety has hit me hard for various reasons. I have no family anywhere.
I belong to a coffee group and a craft group, but haven’t been to the groups recently because in various ways my depression and anxiety has made it so difficult.
I have asked for support in various ways and I’m not getting it.
It seems nobody wants to know and get involved, nobody cares - as we know here depression and anxiety is not a contagious disease but that’s how it seems.
I don’t know what I am doing to deserve being ignored like this.
Can anybody help please ?

[Former-Member]

@Lula I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling and that you feel as though you are being ignored. Unfortunately we live in a society where alot of people still don't understand mental health and the impacts it has on people. 

I know it's not the same but please know you are not alone here and we are always here to listen and support you. I hope things get better for you soon ❤️.

[MJG017]

@Lula 

I''m sorry you aren't getting the support you need and deserve. You shouldn't have to deal with these issues alone.  You've taken some important steps in joining those groups, but it can only help so much without that bit of extra support around.

Do you have a GP or counselor you could talk to about this?  Or are there trips or days out organized for people in your village?  I assume being regional, there may not be as many options as there are in the cities, but maybe there's some things locally you could look in to.  Im just thinking anything that just gets you out of the house for a little bit every week may help a lot right now.

It sounds like a very difficult, and frustrating, position to be in.. and one that really shouldn't happen with proper supports and services in place for people in your position.  Just know that we are at least with you here and won't ignore you. 

[Till23]

Hi @Lula 

Sorry to hear you are not feeling heard at the moment.

It’s great that you have found this forum, as the people here are open and understanding.

Have you recently moved to retirement village?
Are you in the same town as before moving to village?

 I am asking because I’m wondering if you still have the same GP and if you have friends nearby from outside the village.

Talking to a GP may be helpful.

 If you are able to drive and still have your own car, you could go into town, which is familiar to you, maybe meet up with people from outside the village, or take a drive to get out of village a bit. Or sometimes there’s a bus that takes people out on trips or shopping.

It’s great that you have joined the groups.

Do you do any exercise, as that can be helpful for depression.

We can chat to you on the forums of course.

[Lula]

Thank you

[Lula]

Thank you M 💙

[Lula]

@MJG017 

M you’ve always been so supportive and I do appreciate that so much.  Thank you

I have no words though to say how much I would love to talk with you though.

As you said before it’s SO hard to have some company one day and then nothing the next. I did have some lovely company yesterday from a support worker who’s quickly becoming more like a friend. But she has her own life of course. I can’t expect her to be available on call for me, that would be wrong to even think of expecting that.

I woke up feeling depressed this morning, as I often do, and feel worse now. I feel sick in the stomach with the emptiness and want to cry my heart out but the tears won’t come.  I feel very weak physically and don’t know that I can do the driving (and be safe too) and go anywhere.

i know there’s nothing you can do but reply here. I can’t bring myself to talk to Lifeline.

[MJG017]

@Lula 

It's the most frustrating thing about these forums.  I would be so nice to say "give me our number and we can chat" to someone.  I find it frustrating that the one place i've found where I feel I can make connections with people, i'm also so cut off from.  But I understand why it's done this way, it's just frustrating.

While it is great that you have a very good support worker which i'm sure helps a lot, i do understand how it is not enough and i'm so sorry you are still struggling so much.  Have you talked to her about it at all?  She may have some ideas or know of some ways in your area where you could find some more social connection.

I'm sure there are fantastic people at lifeline.  If you can't talk to me, maybe you'd find it equally helpful to talk to them.  I know it would probably be easier with someone you've gotten to know a bit but sometimes it just helps to hear another voice and talk to someone who will just listen and not judge us.  So i dont want to pressure you in any way of course, but i just suggest that you may get a lot from calling them so just keep that in mind.  I know when I start to get really low, i do start to try reaching out less and less, because the depression convinces me there's no point.  But there's always a point as your feelings and problems are just as valid as anyone else's and sometime we lose sight of that.  Depression can be such a debilitating beast to control.  I wish i could do more than just type some words at you lula.  But as it is all I can do, I will happily keep doing it for as long as you find it helpful.

Other than that, just know that i'm always here to chat with you, or not to far away, as is everyone here on the forum.  Look after yourself Lula, and try to eat and drink enough. I'm sending you a big virtual hug and hope that helps you today.🫂

[Lula]

Thank you M and a big virtual hug back to you 🤗.  Thank you, yet again, for your kind thoughts.

I’ve been out to my favourite local cafe this afternoon and had a coffee. It’s hot here today and I then went down to the river and found a spot to sit in the shade, but forgot to take my water bottle, so trying to walk in the heat when I don’t feel strong (physically or mentally) without it was not a good idea. I had my own fold up chair, so much more comfortable than a park bench, which is really hard to sit on because my backside has got so boney. I’m home again now, and will try to walk around where I live later, when it is cooler.

I wish Sane could work out a way for people on both sides of the fence, people like you and I, to could communicate by phone, by mutual agreement.  One can only dream.  Surely there must be a way for it to be possible, but still maintain the control, privacy and security of both parties.  I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be the only person thinking like this.  This so that if one side or the other abused that privilege it could be cut off.  I can only speak for myself, but I would NEVER abuse the privilege.

[Lula]

@MJG017 

M I forgot to say before that just very recently met up with a volunteer through a local community organisation.

She and I have only met twice and we get along so well. We are already more like friends, talk so much and so easily, and she says I am helping her as much as she is helping me. I forgot to mention her before because already I’m forgetting she’s a volunteer. But of course she’s not ‘on call’ when I’d like company, I don’t know where she lives so I can’t visit her - though our new friendship is possibly heading in that direction.

When I was at my local cafe earlier and had a coffee, I had to move outside with a bottle of their cold water because I can’t cope with the music noise.