Lived Experience Forum

[Flotsam]

I have been diagnosed with CPTSD and I really think I have processed everything except the shame. My psychologist says the shame is not mine but I am deeply embarrassed and shameful and I just don’t seem to be able to process it and it is keeping me in distress. 

I have core beliefs associated with being unworthy as no one helped me when they knew what was happening. I feel like people will think I am a loser and be nasty to me if they know. Unfortunately these beliefs have been reinforced multiply times, I don’t know how to challenge the thoughts and this feeling of shame and embarrassment and it hurts so much. 

Any ideas? 

[Sunshineandsea]

Hey @Flotsam, shame is hard to navigate, especially if it attached to trauma. It's a double whammy - the trauma caused the shame but the shame maintains the trauma! I have CPTSD too so can understand the cyclical nature of it.

It's a process to work on the shame and embarrassment. Give yourself time, remember that you need to be kind to yourself on this journey.

Feeling for you and sitting with you my friend 💓

[Flotsam]

@Sunshineandsea @Thank you for your reply, 

I have been stuck in this shame for 40 odd years but only really labeled it this year, about 8 months ago. I wrote a letter to not send yesterday to give it back to who it really belongs to but that doesn’t change my fiercely guarded core beliefs.

I just don’t know what else to do to try to process it. I disassociate, distract, ignore, but none of that processes it, it just lurks there interfering with my recovery. 

[NatureLover]

Hi @Flotsam . I feel for you - shame is so damaging.

Can your psychologist give you some strategies for working through it?

[Flotsam]

@NatureLover 

I will ask next chance I get, I almost sent her an email, but I don’t like to cross professional boundaries asking for help outside of sessions, so thought I would ask here if anyone knew how to do this processing people speak of. Feeling I am a nuisance to others and that people don’t really want to help me is a part of my cPTSD so asking for help is very hard. 

Our next session is going to be about getting Allianz to approve 8 more sessions, so it will be a few weeks before I get the chance to have that conversation and I am lacking patience with this distress (meaning I am breaking down in sobbing tears too often).  

I am easily triggered if I try to do trauma education via YouTube so I am trying to avoid that at my psychologists advice. 

[NatureLover]

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@Flotsam wrote:

@NatureLover 

I will ask next chance I get

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Hi @Flotsam , that sounds good, although a few weeks till you can discuss it sounds hard, with your distress 😞

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@Flotsam wrote:

so thought I would ask here if anyone knew how to do this processing people speak of. Feeling I am a nuisance to others and that people don’t really want to help me is a part of my cPTSD so asking for help is very hard. 

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I am sorry, I don't know how to do any shame processing...I know shame is a very damaging emotion though. I wish you all the best...

[Flotsam]

If anyone reads this and might be dealing with similar issues after childhood trauma, they may find the Integrated Family Systems concept helpful. It really helps if you are feeling broken or damaged, or carrying shame. YouTube has videos, but just watching a video by Doc Snipes, then sitting with the idea was really helpful.