Lived Experience Forum

[Bunnyneet]

Hi guys. Got referred here by lifeline.

My body kinda feels like its deteriorating around me and I dont know what to do. Ill try to put into words how I'm feeling but its tough.

Its like. My brain is a separate entity to me sometimes. It keeps giving me intrusive thoughts and makes my head too loud. I feel out of control, and like I dont know myself anymore. I cant shower, I cant get out of bed, I can barely get myself food (and when I do its like i cant stop eating and have to physically force myself to stop) and I just dont know what to do.

My brain tells me to hurt myself. My brain gives me violent (sometimes sexual) thoughts towards others. My brain won't let me go outside without me  breaking down. My brain makes me act normal in front of other people so no one knows im struggling. I dont know who I am.

Im scared I'm faking all of this and that I've fooled myself into believeing I need help when I dont. I dont know what to do. I dont have a car to go to the ER so even if I wanted to go I cant. 

What do I do from here. I cant move from my room or my bed. I'm useless.

[cloudcore]

Hi @Bunnyneet ,

Welcome to the forums.

I can hear how overwhelmed, scared and lost you're feeling, and how much you're struggling with daily functioning and thoughts of harm. It sounds really difficult and isolating, and your feelings and questions about your self and what to do are completely understandable. There was a period in my life where I really struggled with a lot of what you have decribed. It was hard to get out of my head, and I spent so much time fighting my thoughts that my body and everything around me really deteriorated. Something that helped me was finding a place to voice those thoughts and fears, so I didn't have to bear them on my own. I'm really glad you found the forums here so that you can talk about it more 

I'm wondering if you have any professional supports that you can lean on?

from cloudcore

[flybluebird]

Hi @Bunnyneet 

There are so many of us here that can relate in our own ways similar things to what you’re describing & feeling.

Did you know that also outside of the forums we have a counselling support centre available weekdays 10am-10pm.
Details can be found here 🙂

Just offering that in case you don’t have anyone specific to chat to more in depth with about what you’re going through?

I also acknowledge that you may already have someone you can trust & get support from, if that’s what you’re wanting.

Hope you can also find connection through the community here on the forums.

Take care,

Flybluebird

[Paperdaisy]

Hi @Bunnyneet I'm sorry to hear you're having those thoughts. It's not uncommon and I hope you will find some support here on the forums. You should have received an email from us and I just wanted to let you know I'm going email you also to follow up on this. I hope you are safe for now and are able to contact crisis services  if you feel you need to. 

[wellwellwellnez]

There's this thing called "thought stacking" that I've just been learning about. I'm starting to form an opinion that when the thought stacks get too thick, that's when the intrusive thoughs happen.

Makes more sense to me, than the other way around. But maybe that's just me. Either way I think there's an important relationship between the two.