Lived Experience Forum

[CogsWhirl]

Hi All,

I haven't been feeling great for around a month or so.  My PTSD has been playing up over my ex putting in a property settlement  and claiming  all these things that she shouldn't have a claim to.  I got this letter from her lawyer that skipped around  her being the perpetrator of domestic violence and it painted me as having all these benefits of living in my home while she's mostly unemployed  and living in one room at her  friend's house. It overrides all the mental hurt that i've had for nearly four years.  There's no acknowledgement of the abuse and violence that I suffered from her. I felt really disgusted with his letter.  It's so typical.  She always has to win and so far .seems to be doing so.   Recently her access to our daughter was changed from two days a week to three and a half, and it just seems to have enboldened her and now there is a feeling that she is just trying to dominate me again.  I don't want to go back to regular counselling, My lawyer says that I should just let her do the work  with the other lawyer and get a good outcome.  There is a feeling I just need to ride this out and then once I know what is going to happen, I can work on it,  I just wish I had a really good mate that I could share all this with and get it out of my head.

On top of that, i suppose like so many people I  have been working from home for nearly the last two years,  My job just doesn't seem to have much meaning anymore.  I've been hoping that as the lockdown here in Melbourne is over, I would be able  to go back to work, but the bosses are saying January next year. I feel lonely and isolated and it has gotten to me.

As it happens, I also suffer from Meniere's Disease and for about two months now have been in a cycle of vertigo, vomiting and the uncertainty of knowing when and where I am going to have an attack.  On bad days it's just bed and not being able to do much but ride out the attack. On good days it's an earful of tinitus and hearing my heartbeat thumping. I'm on medication but the doctor told me that it doesn't really do that much for it. it doesn't.

So all this stuff has been happening and I needed to get it out of my head.

Thanks for your support and for reading.

[MIFANTCARER]

Hi @CogsWhirl 

Im so sorry to hear you are going through this horrible time of your life alone..  Im in Darwin so we havent hard a long lockdown like Melbourne but I know how it feels to deal with things alone and isolated.

I hope you dont mind if I tell you how I dealt with my issues and hope it helps you too. 

I know its gloom and doom feeling right now but small changes helps.  I started to cut down on sweets (not completely) and now i just cut my long har to short pixxie cut..  I feel good even though I have never had my hair this short.  It has made me feel like a new person and ready to face the world.  Or part of the world..

I also started to listen to my old 80s & 90s music the ones that I used to listen too when I was studying or clubbing (lol)..  I think by reconnecting with what you like makes you feel so much better and changing something that you have never done before gives a new prospective.  nothing drastic..

I was isolated, manipulated and even made to think I was not worth anything by my ex.. and then he left me when i was pregnant..  I am still dealing with the trauma that he has caused but I made sure that I can find my happy mode if it gets too much..  

If you need to talk just tag me.. Im happy to listen.. you are not alone.. eveyone here I know will help you..

Be kind to yourself and talk to you soon xxx

[Snowie]

Hi @CogsWhirl 

Sorry to hear you are going through so much at the moment. It sounds like things are really hard at the moment.

I hope you are able to take care of yourself

[Paperdaisy]

Hi @CogsWhirl Sorry to hear all of this. It sounds like a difficult time. I'm sure you will find lots of support here as you have started to already. You have always been great at supporting others and offering advice around being positive and focusing on the achievments in the day.. I'm wondering if you can draw on this now and do this for yourself? Hope you are ok. Here with you💕

[wellwellwellnez]

I think I see your lawyers point. Having an outcome focus is good for the one on one and for the third party interactions. No need to ignore emotions but outcome focus can have a lot of positive emotional effects. Best appoach I can think of, at least.