Lived Experience Forum

[Appleblossom]

 @Eden1919

I think you are explaining yourself reasonably well for your level of stress. You dont need to put yourself down here. You are enagaging with us and being authentic about your troubles.

That is real, even is we are all in different places and behind a screen.

I have lived with a lot of people in the middle of florid psychosis. That means in full blown form.  For me psychosis usually means extreme fear and overwhelm. @Former-Member put it well too.

Like @Former-Member I had to isolate to be able to recover and then work out who was friend or foe etc ... It took a few years of living alone ... as single mum with only one child ... 

Delusions come when the mind interprets and makes up a story about the source of threat, but its a bit skewed from the truth.  Kinda half makes sense.

Take care

[Former-Member]

Hi @Eden1919 - I understand trust issues after what I have suffered at the hands of others. But it is knowing the difference of who we can trust and whom we can't. When we are having a psychotic episode, as you are presently, who we can't trust always "is our own thoughts". So that is why its fundamental in recovery from severe mental illness and psychosis to place our trust in good qualified medical professionals at this time who have no reason to hurt you. They are not evil @Eden1919 - and that's the truth. Let them help you as resistance will keep you unwell. The thoughts that your treating team are out to get you is lies. That is what you can't trust - those voices and thoughts. They are the result of a brain chemical imbalance and like anyone who is unwell - we need to place our trust in the best medical treatments available. And have "faith" in a better outcome. 

Please mention these distressing thoughts to your psychiatrist, as then he/she can give you thenright adequate treatment and medication to keep your high anxiety down. It will calm your thoughts and distress helping you to think clearer and gain better results in therapy. Counselling is a must as well as medication for you @Eden1919 get better. But no one can help you unless you tell them what you are telling us here. 

Glad to see you reaching out. You can trust me my friend - I will always be there for you doing my best to help and support. That's all I, all the kind, caring people here or your treating team can offer. There are good people in the world too my friend - you "can" trust them. 

[Former-Member]

It's scary sometimes being a single mum with for all sorts of reason hey. You are the only one that can protect yourself and you're child Working out who is genuine and who isn't has probably been one of the hardest challenges since. I am really not good at allowing people in my life now. I create distance only to guard myself. @Appleblossom I was once told you are showing you're daughter to live in fear it's pretty easy for another to say that though that hasn't lived in fear though and had things done yeah by the hands of others.
Makes me not feel alone by reading what you wrote and hope @Eden1919 feels that too. You are not alone buddy

[Appleblossom]

Thanks @Former-Member

Living in fear is a problem, but its even worse if we do not model adult and protective and intelligent responses to real threats and living in fear.

(I do not buy that threat is all in the mind for those with MI)

I did not know if I would survive after I moved into this house, I was that riddled with physical pain from my spinal issues and emotional pain.  Living alone for 15 years meant that I have been able to separate those issues out.  What triggers a neck event, which people are genuine and how far that goes etc etc ... we dont expect everyobody to save our lives, but just need to know how far to take things with various individuals.

Which of sons friends were not real friends etc.

I did run a small teaching practice and book groups from the local community centre in my house, so my son could see me socialising.

I dont know how old your kids are @Former-Member

Maybe you can find away when you are ready ... to show them some ways to interact without fear.

But the truth is a person can only do that, when the fear is reduced.

Take care ALL

[Former-Member]

Yeah @Appleblossom my daughter does not know danger at the moment. I am teaching her all about consent and violation of personal space. I modelled what was not right or ok and stood up & have applied that when I left my daughters father, but since leaving domestic there has more I know now since out of it than what I did while in it...
It's all about relearning.
If a child sees daddy hitting mummy they genuinely copy the pattern and that is what I witnessed in a violence refuge. Living alone has taught me many many things too
I don't want anyone to save me I know what I have been through so when another tries to I am like trust me you can't

I only have one child, she is four. Very social, sometimes too much, very happy & bubbly majority of the time

Take care too @Appleblossom

[Eden1919]

@Former-Member I am feeling a little calmer today and have slept a lot I am still worried about my treatment team and I feel very alone I just don't feel I can open up to them anymore it doesn't feel safe and I am tired and I want to cry and I keep going up and down I was so excited this morning that I didn't sleep overnight and I was happy and really full of energy and now I am the opposite and it keeps going up and down and I am so tired and I don't know anymore. I just don't want to do all this anymore.

[Former-Member]

Good to read that you felt calmer this morning @Eden1919 - as you had a good sleep and this gave your mind a break from your fears and worries. You began to dwell and believe the negative thoughts about the treating team hurting you again throughout the day and this is raising your anxiety and distress levels once again. The way to stop this is to tell your psychiatrist and medical team what is worrying you and describe these thoughts to them so they can offer you the best possible treatment to stop your mental anguish. They cannot do this if you don't tell them how you are really feeling and explain your symptoms to them.

I promise you they will not harm you but will help you the best they can. Please trust me.

This worry and fears your experiencing is part of your mental illness my friend and this is the insight you need to hang onto in order to get the proper treatment to feel better. If you can't do this then please ring lifeline, a mental health crisis line or 000. You are not alone.

[TAB]

Can relate to a lot of what you said @Appleblossom well re some pains/tensions and then realise it’s because I just had something stressful well if thats what you meant re ‘neck ‘ ..pain/muscle tension is real. It was just the realisation that it was almost instant stress reaction to say a phone call for example

[Former-Member]

Emotional rollercoaster by the sounds of it @Eden1919 Hang in there and take your time

[Appleblossom]

@Eden1919 

@TAB My neck issues re discs and go back 30 years.

Building on moments of calm help me get through the storms.