Lived Experience Forum

[Appleblossom]

@Dimity That is why I am going to do my darn best to limit disclosures as my story can stoke bonfire of gossip.  One lady said she would ask me all about my family next time. lol That will be interesting how I deflect her and keep things sociable if she does.  Its in a place where there is a lot of physical activity which is main reason I joined up for the year, and they keep prices reasonable ... aka ... not a rip off.  

@Historylover We both know how hard it is to be seen as socially palatable.  These days I am armed with lots of cheekiness and rhyming come backs.  Who knows if I will have it on hand in the spur of the moment.  

My counsellor actually might have gotten it as yesterday, she said it was good I had few things going, in case one thing went a bit sour, I can lean more towards one than the other.

In the past 15-20 years ago, I have been in various paid co-ordination roles. I was not a big hit, but I had not really developed my sense of humour.  I has hard pressed trying to earn for young kids, and probably too serious. 

Am thinking of going again tmrw.  WIsh me luck. Maybe I should start up a "Beginners Socialising" Thread.

[Jynx]

@Appleblossom just popping in super quick to say that a 'Beginners Socialising' thread sounds super awesome! I'd get into that for sure! 😁💜

[Historylover]

That is the theme of my social life, too, @Dimity . I usually don't last more than a couple of social occasions. Don't people love to ignore us, and make us feel awkward? I don't. Having social graces means making sure nobody feels awkward. That's what hosting is about. I find that people who had been no more than vague acquaintances are suddenly best friends, and I'm left feeling like an outsider. I won't. I always consider it reflects on them, not me. I give them a chance to save the situation and if they don't, I don't lower myself to try to fit in with their company. They are out of their comfort zone and not privy to my society.

I hope that the teaching staff improves next semester, too. Education is more than collecting students and fees. 

[Historylover]

Your 'Beginner's Socialising' thread should make for interesting reading, @Appleblossom,  but I think we'd be telling very similar tales. How I'd love to have smart retorts, but I'm usually trying to swerve and steer the conversation in other directions. Again, I'd be considered difficult. I always watch to see who is homing in on me. There is usually none—to make me feel awkward, or the predator—the one who'll try to get the better of me, the leader who wants to keep me under their control. I just wish I could play shy. Perhaps I'll work on it.

I'd love to have a few activity options that I could engage in as I choose, but for me I'd just be duplicating the trauma. I try to keep my disclosures impersonal too. It's hard work being 'social'. 

[AussieRecharger]

Hi @Kyle1 . 

Thanks for saying hello and my day was okay mate. Hope yours has been good as well. 

@Historylover - Beginners Socialism or Beginner's socialising.. depends which country you come from. 🙂

[Appleblossom]

@Historylover I am still active in the church that I had an issue with a lady, and have dealt with that in as direct, ethical and diplomatic a manner as possible.  I have put limits on it.

The other thing is a life styles activities group which runs various groups for an older demographic, though not U3a.  So I am dipping my toes in a few different pools.  Feeling I should keep things lighter and activity focussed, rather than great personal sharing.  I have shared a lot on here, maybe that is enough, but yes pesky questions ....

hmmm ... a challenge.

 There have been mini skirmishes here and there, and now I am beginning to tag people as an acquaintance or neighbour, but not a friend.

I must not have street smarts as I do take people at face value.  I see their awkwardness too, so as always hoping with respect will generate mutual respect.  Not always what happens irl, but I am making it my requirement of others. Can only control me, not them. Trying not to move straight into submission but flexing a bit of presence and humour. 

[Historylover]

I'm certainly not returning to U3A, @Appleblossom. I divulged there, thinking it would be respected. It wasn't. Again, it reflects on them, not me. It was like a 'gotcha' moment and here again, it was like I had threatened the social order. 😕. I was particularly vulnerable in those days, but couldn't have done anything differently anyway. People are so locked into their funny little personalities🤨😣🤐😴😕😖and expect we will automatically alter ours to accommodate them. 😕Nope.

I never take people at face value these days. Lesson learnt. I digest the event when I get home. Mmmm. Activity focused is the way to go...until the dreaded cup of tea time.

We'll get there @Appleblossom. One dipped toe at a time.

[Appleblossom]

Mmmmm @Historylover Sorry to hear your U3a experience was similar to mine, mmmm, before I joined this forum 7 years ago. 

Interesting point as this lot may have had similar bad luck, and were quick to tell me it was different.  

[Kyle1]

@Historylover 

🫂 I am hearing you, friend. My heart sings back in lament. 

As a person who likes to consider solutions and, as the song goes, 'accentuate the positive', this kind of deep seated hurt is beyond me, too.

Though as Job sat afflicted in the dust and ashes and his friends bore with him at the gate, so too do I with you. 🙏