Lived Experience Forum

[outlander]

@Former-Member ❤

[Zoe7]

I hear you about the costs of moving @Former-Member You really are in a no-win situation with it all Hon and I feel for you. Now you have made that decision though you need to do the best you can with the situation you are in. I think you are doing really well - especially acknowledging how far you have come and understanding that there are still huge challenges but you can ride them out the best you can. Keep that inner strength going Hon. Those people have no idea what you have been through and how much you have had to fight to make a life for you and your daughter. 

[Former-Member]

Thank you. I am entering into a debt agreement to make things more manageable with the cost of living. I can start over. It’s becoming too hard to manage and survive otherwise with past debt. Smaller repayments over a longer period of time. This way we have control over our finances. Can’t believe I ever got myself in this mess to where it all started pin point back to leaving him, it all started with him. I will do this @Zoe7

I can’t wait to look him in the eye and be completely fearless with my head held high knowing very well what he did to me intentionally. I wonder whether I will ever get a confession of yes I abused her & yes I got away with it while we both suffered in every way but I did it without choosing the life I got before. 

[Zoe7]

You are not solely responsible for all the 'mess' you are in @Former-Member and although you are taking responsibilty for it all you are also not the only one at fault here. I hope that being able to clear these debts will be the beginning of a new life for you too. It is so hard when things in your past keep a hold over you in any way and your ex certainly has been doing that with these financial burdens hanging over your head. I think you have done a very thoughtful and wise thing in sorting this all out for yourself.

It is my experience that most abusers will not 'own up' to what they have done - especially if they have not sought help themselves. You can hold your head up high regardless as you are the one that went through it all and still come out the other side. I know that life is not easy for you but you are getting on ith it, looking after your daughter and trying to build a life for you both - and that is to be commended Hon 

[Former-Member]

I never realised withholding money for support with his daughter is also controlling. 

I will get out of the mess one way or another. I’ve gotten myself into a massive mess of debt since to support ourselves. Certainly controlled us. I remember when I was pregnant with him what he did then. Went from being a good person to potential and intentional harm with both of us and his family tried to say what they did as well to control me with daughter. They know what his like but enable it still to this day and don’t let him take responsibility over anything while I am. 

He wouldn’t care in the slightest what we have been through last few years. I’ve booked myself in for more therapy at the end of November. It’s the only available time. I am actually thinking of declaring bankruptcy to completely start over. I have an appointment with the financial councillor in November 

[Former-Member]

@Zoe7

[Zoe7]

So pleased to hear you have an appointment with a financial counsellor and also that you have booked in to therapy again next month @Former-Member I hope the financial counsellor gan help you sort out your money issues Hon. It is so unfair that you are having to take the brunt of it all when your ex should be responsible also - but knowing what you have said about him that that is highly unlikely. Not a nice situation to be in at all.