Lived Experience Forum

[Rick]

Hello @kato 

I am not all surprised by your words Kato.

Myself and many others have had to trial and error our way through treatment.Poor experiences with sector professionals are common. 

I am very glad you shared this with us.  I speaks to your courage and determination and your strength of will.

The whole in the MH sector are numerous and deep. The resilience required to engage with the sector is a big ask which I believe only complicates treatment for  already complex  MH.

I can identify with you on the mistust oone developes after negative experiences. The courage to keep trying only speaks to your enormous worth and strength of character.

All the input on this subject will be correlated as factual data when I present ideas to the MH sector.

I believe very strongly that professsionals in the MH sector are only partly informed and therefore only partly affective in their approach to treating complex mental illness. 

I think it important to add that it isn't the illness or the symptoms which require attention but also the person themselves and the way they manage their MH which needs to be considered.

My experience thus far as an observer of the sector is that the biggest gap in mental health provision is human. 

So again, Kato thank you for confirming in person that which I was thinking. And thank you too for the example you are as a person of great strength and courage. it is people like yourself who illustrate the massive resliliency of people with a MI.

As always I believe even when I don't want to

Hope endures

Rick

[Ellie]

Goodgutz. My only wish is that there was a PM service attached to this forum, but there isn't as far as I can tell and I don't want to suggest things in relation to yourself where the whole world can read it. I have a couple of questions for you, but it's so hard on this type of forum. Maybe the Mods could suggest something?

[kristin]

Dear @Goodgutz 

I really feel for you. Getting good mental health support can be such a nightmarish maze. And it can leave you in no mans land.  Are you able to afford to see a psych regularly, even if it's through the medicare subsidised sessions. Some help would be better than none. And I understand why you feel the "specialist' is a waste of money. I'm assuming this is a psychiatrist? Some of them are frankly (and sadly) not worth the piece of paper their name is on. I've been to terrible ones (rarely) and found good ones (by grace). Some decent ones are even willing to only charge the scheduled fee for people on DSP.

Regarding getting a better understanding of diagnosis you might try looking at the Black Dog website as they have some helpful info, bipolar has different types (and I believe even an atypical type!). Often studies are on one specific type, for example type 1. If this doesn't seem to really "fit" what you are experiencing then have a look at the self-tests as hat might help perhaps. I self-diagnosed my bipolar and then went to my psych and said here's what I think and why (here's the whole history, as I used to think mania equaled well!). I hope there is somehting helpful there. Good on you for persisting in trying to get some "handles" on your MI diagnosis.

The pain of what's called "over-sharing" is so intense. It's really horrible, and so called "normal" people do not get it at all. You asked "WHEN WILL I BE ACCEPTED AS I AM, i dont want to change I WANT TO BE MYSELF and to be accepted WHEN WILL I MEET SOMEONE THAT UNDERSTANDS....."? We've "met" you and we get it, we like you, and we want you to be yourself.  We won't necessarily always understand completely because MI manifests in as many ways as there are people, aspects are unique as us, but we will try to understand and suppot you as best we can.

Please take care.

Kindest regards,

Kristin

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Ellie,

I don't want to take the conversation off track, but I thought I'd respond to your post to let you know that we don't have private messaging service as part of this Forum, which means that communication between member can only occur via posts.

Part of the reason why these Forums are anonymous is to try and encourage people to communicate with each another freely and openly. Each post is also view by a moderator to ensure that the Forums is safe, which is part of the reason why we don't have a PM service attached to this Forum.

I'm sorry I've not been able to provide you with some suggestions, but I thought I'd offer an explanation as to why we don't have that service on these Forums.

CB

[Rick]

Hello @Goodgutz 

Goodness gracious you are really doing it tough aren't you?

It's so hard when we lose a friends or a partner due to our illness. I truly sympathise. It's one of the toughest hurdles I had to overcome. Am still trying.

From the tone of your writing you sound very frustrated. It is extremely challenging to deal with an MI  if you don't have a definite diagnosis. Dianoses help to inform us. And that information helps to deal with the fear and uncertainty of day to day living.

It is difficult to manage that day to day stuff even if we are stable but when we are depressed or manic or dissociative it gets harder. And of course we always live in hope that the right medications will be found for us.

I believe @kristin mentioned the various types of bi polar disorder? Type one was also once called simple manic depresssion. It was named this because the symptoms were common from patient to patient and were treated by similar medications. 

All other types of bi polar are what is known as complex. Not they are hard to understand but they have many facets that may be present in different ways in different people. So therefore the treatments need to be tailored to each paerson. 

There has been alot of research into Bi-polar type one. And thecomlex forms are also very well understood. The trick to affective treatment an ongoing therapetic relationship with, generally , a good psychiatrist. 

 Below is a link to Medicare Local. This is an organisation that can provide you with the informaation on services and clinicians in your area.

It's always good to explain to them that you have financial restrictions (especially if you are unemployed or on DSP) and they should be able to find you someone who charges only the gap fee. which is a hell of of less than the full fee.

www.medicarelocals.gov.au/internet/medicarelocals/publishing.nsf#.VJP_il4AA

In the mean time come to the forum as often as you wish. Unlike a journal people people here all know the isolation of illness and will support in the best ways we can.

It's a kind of buddy system. We look out for each other.

I wish I had the magic wand to make all your wishes come true,  but MI does'nt work like that. Please come and chat. 

Remember 

whether we want it to or not

Hope endures

Rick

[kato]

Thank you @Rick 

however, courage? determination? strength enormous worth, strength of character, strength of will, all are not words i identify with, they are all things i struggle with, things that for me i don't have, i have pushed forward out of well as hard as it is to say cowardice, not wanting to be alone, perserverance to try and salvage my failing relationship, i find myself weak and lost, confused still by what i write in my journal, But the biggest factor and drive is i don't want to be burdenend with the guilt i carry and the self hatred i live with, if i can't change that i know that if i don't i will end up where i was 6 years ago, or even 10 years ago, or even 3 months ago, i have been there quite a few times, a lot of times i didn't even realize until last night.

I caught up with a old school friend who i have known most of my life, she helped me in a few hours and a few drinks how destructive my life has been, and i got some hard truths as well, but they were truths and i did need to hear them.

I was very lucky that my friend accepts me as me.

But thank you

[Goodgutz]

Amazing to read your blog i relate too well to what you have written, the struggle with thoughts ahhh the shame, guilt, denial etc. I long for a friend that I can talk about anything and everthing too and that that someone can share in return and that we can experience what it is to make friends......I realise that that is a high expectation to have. I really liked your words they were very truthful.

[kato]

Goodgutz
if I hadn't made the friends I have made here in this forum I would not have caught up with her
as odd as it may seem the people here are in my opinion some of my closest friends they know more about me then everyone else in my life
they have always been there for me in times of need whether a simple answer as I know how that feels or even suggestions about avenues to look at.
on 1 hand I can count my actual friends in my life
on both hands I run out of room for all the friends I have here.
your comment on this showd me you are compassionate and caring
thus you have read about my trials and tribulations and from that we have begun a friendship
we may never meet but will support each other through what we will go through.
I know it is difficult to understand but you have a friend in me.

[Alessandra1992]

You've got a friend in me..now there's a song from Toy Story that I just love..going off on a tangent but @kato I do applaud your friendship and the strength of knowing you needed to hear objective truth from an old friend..maybe you will meet up with her next year overseas? Wouldn't that be a fantastic goal?
Travelling abroad is a wonderful thing that do, as is travelling locally..both can change your perspective when viewed with fresh eyes!!

Stop arguing with @Rick about accepting his observations of your tenacity, kindness, truth and vulnerability you share on the forum...sometimes it takes ages for us to see who we really are..so trust in us and realise yes. You are changing and growing in a positive way!! Onya @kato...sandy being bossy again...
Friendship finds or makes us equal!!

[kato]

Haha sandy as soon as I wrote it I pictured toy story
and you are right I should accept the nice things that rick and evwryone here has been kind enough to say

so rick thank you for reminding me of these characteristics that I have and thank you to everyone else.

Oh and sandy my first stop will be to meet up with my friend