Something’s not right
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20-03-2023 10:51 AM
20-03-2023 10:51 AM
Re: Hide away
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20-03-2023 11:22 AM - edited 20-03-2023 11:25 AM
20-03-2023 11:22 AM - edited 20-03-2023 11:25 AM
Re: Hide away
As a kid I always ran away to the beach, I could be alone and just look out at the ocean without anyone to judge. I think I might do that today, or the forest.
@Kyle1 I am sulking today as well, I made a swift unscheduled exit from an inpatient hospital program that didn't treat me right, now I am dealing with the perceived fall out and having to stand up for myself once more.
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20-03-2023 11:45 AM
20-03-2023 11:45 AM
Re: Hide away
@Flotsam what will that fallout look like?..
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20-03-2023 11:59 AM - edited 20-03-2023 12:03 PM
20-03-2023 11:59 AM - edited 20-03-2023 12:03 PM
Re: Hide away
At this stage I think the fallout is mostly in my head. I was worried about the insurance company who paid for me to be there, but I spoke to my psychologist and she reassured me. I am still a bit worried about the personal fallout of me beating myself up about not even being able to hack it for 3 days. My psyche keeps reminding me to reframe. I find that hard. I was seeing the program as a last hope, but that isn’t really the case. I am also finding it increasingly important to stand up for myself since I couldn’t as a kid, so I made a complaint with the facility today. It would be better if I could just let it go, but then it would be me letting myself down. I am pretty quickly into fight or flight just now.
I am finding it easier to see the gift in these shitty situations. This one was being able to recognise a strong flight mode, when I go into fight mode I attack myself and my thoughts go to SH. I think that will be my takeaway from this experience. If I want to run, or SH do all the things I can to get back to thinking mode.
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20-03-2023 01:41 PM
20-03-2023 01:41 PM
Re: Hide away
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20-03-2023 02:44 PM
20-03-2023 02:44 PM
Re: Hide away
Completely logical / analytic until Fight, flight, freeze or fawn kicks in, then I dissociate, react and don’t think. I need to work on finding some space between the trigger and what I decide to do, but that is outside my skill set right now.
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20-03-2023 03:09 PM
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20-03-2023 03:33 PM
20-03-2023 03:33 PM
Re: Hide away
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21-03-2023 09:46 AM
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21-03-2023 09:57 AM
21-03-2023 09:57 AM
Re: Hide away
Good morning I guess guys. I didn't totally shut down yesterday but did have a self-care day. Today is back into study and people and anxiety again. I have Exercise which seems to agitate me these days instead of being a release and an online class and a quiz assessment to do. At least I can watch the recording for class instead of live which is less scary.
I want to retreat and tell the world to go away but I also want to one day live in the world again so I need to keep plugging along.
I know I'm living in this very fragile bubble atm but can't stay here forever.