Lived Experience Forum

[Patchworks]

Hi forumites,

I am returning to the forums after a break,  with a new user name. I have schizoaffective disorder with depression. I was hospitalised for a psychotic episode late last year and after some tweaking of medication I have now recovered from that. The problem is that I am now suffering depression and it's impacting my ability to work. I'm about 3 weeks into antidepressant treatment at a full dose. Yesterday I was sleeping from 6pm to 6am and I woke up this morning feeling like a zombie and I couldn't function so I called in sick to work. I live alone and worrying how long it will take to recover as I need to work to afford living costs like rent. Does anyone have any experience of how long before they were feeling okay?

[Former-Member]

It’s all a bit of a blur to me @Patchworks @I had depression and disorganized schizophrenia, I am currently working but assume about 6 months for the treatment to work - just stick to your guns and you’ll be fine whatever life throws at you. I worked a whole year and a half at a place before they realized something was wrong with me and it was with my confession that they fired me so don’t confess 

[Patchworks]

Thanks @Former-Member for your reply. I'm not sure if it's my depression making me so tired and unmotivated or also from my meds. The mental health nurse said six months as well. That's a long time! I just hope that I can hold onto my job

[Patchworks]

So my depression is still affecting me quite a lot. I've had to take a sick day here or there when I haven't been able to bring myself to work. I am in bed most of the time as I feel so tired and my usual motivation for life has gone. 

I saw the pdoc this week and my antidepressant medication was increased. I'm trying to organise a reduced hours work plan while I recover. I'm scared whether I will be able to work at all next week. My confidence in my work has gone which isn't helping. I want to stay hidden in my bedroom. It's an effort to even make my meals and I haven't washed up for days. I'm such a mess lately and so different to my usual self. I tried walking yesterday and the sunlight was strong and I got a headache so I didn't walk for long. I'll try again today 

[Jynx]

@Patchworks Hey, just thought I'd stop in, sounds like things are incredibly tough for you right now. Sometimes it really is too overwhelming just to do the basics. Often when I hit walls like this, I try to remember that even doing something 10% is better than not at all. Can't brush teeth for 2 minutes? Just do 20 seconds. Can't shower? Use baby wipes on my face and underarms. Can't muster the energy to cook a meal? Just snack on veggies and maybe like sandwich meats from the deli, or even just grab some frozen meals. Bit by bit it does get a little easier. 

Really tough to have to stick it out with work, like for me putting on a mask in order to appear as though I'm actually functioning can be so exhausting hey. I hope the meds do start kicking in properly soon, and the forums have got your back in the meantime 😊

[Patchworks]

Funny, @Jynx your shortcuts described my day, e.g. it's frozen food for dinner tonight.

I am very worried about work this week as I don't want to disclose to my bosses. HR know what's happening for me though. I feel like it'd be better for everyone if I had a week off while I adjust to the higher meds dose. I am undecided but I feel that I will let work down either way. 

I'm reading a book about acceptance and commitment therapy called The Happiness Trap. Here's hoping it helps even in a small way. 

[Jynx]

@Patchworks Same for me tonight, frozen dinners are a lifesaver!

I can tell you really care about your work, feeling so worried about letting them down. I hope they are able to see that passion - and I'm glad you do have some support/awareness. Maybe a week off might be letting them down in the short term, but in the long term you'd be able to come back a little more refreshed and thus more able to produce high quality work? It's a tough decision for sure. 

I'd not heard of the Happiness Trap but I will definitely check it out! Even just from the title I imagine it's about the fact that happiness is not some final state of being that people just reach one day. I like the way that Positive Psychology talks about happiness - as being three main factors: Pleasure, Purpose, Meaning. Pleasure we can get easily, from food or entertainment or people. But purpose and meaning are a bit harder, often require planning and effort both in a practical sense and in a psychological sense. But you need all three to really be able to feel a sense of satisfaction or contentment. 

[Patchworks]

Thanks @Jynx . I will sleep on it and see how I am feeling tomorrow before I decide. 

It's so true that purpose and meaning are so important. I get a sense of purpose from my work which is maybe why it's important for me. Meaning I get from living to help others and my spirituality.