13-07-2018 01:34 PM
I was talking with my daughter today and we were discussing how her mood was going downwards from when she was in hospital and as to why that would be. She then mentioned her brother son2. She said that she loves him and it is not his fault .... it is nobody's fault that he has the problems that he has but his myriad of problems impacts so much on all of us ... she said in her own words 'we have nothing to look forward to'.
She is right none of us in our family save my ex (who has a partner as a distraction) has anything to look forward to due to the madness of my son2. We are so ground down by his psychosis nothing else matters. I don't even know what I want anymore or ever did want.
Dont get me wrong we love him to bits but it is emotionally and physically exhausting none the less. I don't know what the answer is I really don't other than to keep on going or just give up which isn't my way.
Anyway that is the pea's pity party for today. Going back in my wonderful pea pod built by @Exoplanet to feel sorry for myself.
13-07-2018 02:47 PM
Sorry to hear that you are feeling dragged down by your situation. I can understand that it would be hard to find things to look forward to. You dont sound self pitying at all. You sound brave in that your circumstances are hard but you are powering through.
How do others who are caring for individuals with chronic health conditions, or struggling to find hope when they themselves have chronic health conditions get through? How do people find things to look forwards to?
13-07-2018 04:23 PM
@Chamomile Thanks Chamomile I don't feel like I am powering through ....I feel like I am limping after a bout with Mohammad Ali. Walk tomorrow morning will make me feel better I am sure .
13-07-2018 04:32 PM
@Chamomile Thanks Chamomile I don't feel like I am powering through ....I feel like I am limping through atm. I feel like I want to run away from my problems (as if that was possible). I look forward to small things like seeing an eagle (like I did the other day), seeing my kidults smile things like that but as for biggies I don't know what they are anymore. I feel so trapped.
13-07-2018 06:39 PM
I feel for you @greenpea. I think how your family feels about your son2 is precisely why none of my family wants anything to do with me really. When I am unwell, I live in a different, confusing, unpredictable world. I honestly must be a nightmare to live with sometimes and I am not sugar coating that at all, I talk to myself in public, I get paranoid, sometimes I am too sociable and get myself into sticky situations with some threatening characters and then other times I am socially awkward and withdrawn and panic around people. It is a good thing (no, great thing) that they all stick by your son, despite his issues. That makes me feel like there are still good people in the world.
Sending you, son2 and all your family big warm fuzzy hugs
13-07-2018 07:13 PM
@Queenie you are such a sweetheart Queenie I bet your are an adorable nightmare to live with lol. Oh god that reminds me that I have pulled my hair out in public ..... oh god I must have looked like a mad woman. It just gets worse .... it is all so embarrasing *sigh*.....
Queenie may I ask (you dont have to tell me and you may not remember) but what would be the most embarrasing thing that you have ever done? I will go first. I took my top off in public (left the bra on) but I thought it was contaminated with evil entity germs.... that is what got me admitted into hospital.
13-07-2018 07:27 PM
@greenpea probably the most embarrassing thing to have happened to me occurred when my now ex partner called emergency services when I was floridly psychotic. I was hiding underneath my bed naked. I was bundled in the back of a police car still naked and taken to hospital where a nurse dressed me in a frilly nightie I wouldn't normally be caught in under any circumstances and then proceeded to make fun of me. I remember all my experiences, even when psychotic. I think that fact just adds to the trauma.
13-07-2018 07:38 PM
@Queenie That is terrible .... seriously terrible .... I don't know what else to say, some of those nurses are a real worry .... I don't remember everything .... I blank out the worst I don't know what is worse remembering or not to be honest.
My son had a argument with a nurse once, she was trying to start a fight and she got one from him not me. Sometimes they have agendas..... I never want to go back to hospital ever or send my son2 back for that matter.
I love you Queenie you are a wonderful person. You have got such a wonderful dry sense of humour and are obviously very bright. A true survivor. xxxx
13-07-2018 08:21 PM
It was a horrifying experience @greenpea, but thankfully that's in the past now. If I ever require hospitalisation now, I go private and it is a different world there. One where you get treated with respect. I think emergency services staff also are better trained to deal with mental health crises these days and I hope, with all my heart, that things like that don't happen anymore.
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