Lived Experience Forum

[amber22]

Hi there @Saree, 

It does sound like you are experiencing a very distressing time at the moment, but I want you to know that you are not alone. There is so much support around for you, and I'm very grateful that you have shared your feelings with us on the forums. Have you tried doing anything recently that you know you would thank yourself for? This could be any kind of self care, or even changing up some of your routine (as the lovely @FloatingFeather mentioned above) to try and reduce some stress? 

Sitting with you today ❤️

Amber22

[Saree]

Thanks @FloatingFeather 

Unfortunately no there isn't anything I can change.

I work over what I'm supposed to due to demand.

Honestly, even if I was doing nothing don't feel this would change.

[Saree]

Hi @amber22 

Sorry I missed answering that @FloatingFeather.

Self-care I normally exercise (walks are my relax thing, but so are my morning workouts), showers and just generally sit and watch tv with my partner.

But none of it is helping.

Self-care I do try to do, but honestly I loose the motivation to do it and really what is the point.

I honestly can't even think of a plan tonight, let alone all the "normal" plans I am supposed to have. Only one lot seem to be forefront in my stupid mind.

I really feel like just getting in the car and driving. But I know this will end up with me at the cliffs, so not best idea. I simply don't want to deal with people or anything. I don't have the energy to do anything, yet I probably won't sleep either.

I am supposed to have some things planned for the weekend, but it's the last thing I feel like.

Open to any suggestions, but not sure there is much that isn't already supposed to happen etc.

I honestly do sit and try to take time.

[amber22]

Hi @Saree ❤️

I do love your ideas for self cafe, I also love my long walks and workouts in the morning. Sometimes when we're going through a low point in life it can be hard to find the motivation to get up and do some self care, but it always makes us feel so much better after doing it. 

Is there something you can do right now that would make you feel nice? Maybe something that won't take too much effort or motivation to do, but that will help you lift your spirits a bit? I've just made myself a yummy treat to have and I'm going to put on a movie a little bit later. 

Let me know if you can try do that and see how it makes you feel, 

Sending hugs

Amber22

[Saree]

Thanks, but not sure.

trying. 

guess doesn't matter.

Thanks for trying everyone

[tyme]

I'm here for the next few hours even if you just want a chat @Saree .

I hear things are still quite difficult for you.

tyme

[Saree]

Thanks @tyme 

Just again. chat about what?

Feel like I should be angry at myself for acting this way because I know better, yet I'm so tired of trying. but then I am trying to ask for help, so which is it?

Make a decision already!

I know better than allowing this line of thought. I know better, I know the tools, I use them all the time. God, I'm nearly a psych.

Is it the bipolar? or is the issue me? is it the past shit? or has it always been me?

[tyme]

Hey @Saree ,

Sounds so hard. 

Whether it's bipolar or not, what you are going through is real - the pain, the thoughts, the hurt.

Did you end up having a good sleep last night? How'd you spend your day today?

[Saree]

@tyme unfortunately no I didn't sleep well. Triggered all night. Cause of the level of depression, I reintroduced one of my stimulants, which can also make sleep a little more difficult - but normally not that bad. Think was more cause I was triggered. My cat was cute though, laid on his back with his stomach showing for a chest rub and cuddles. Love the purring.

Work for the day. Very nearly cracked the shits big time. Well actually think I sorta did, but because I normally just shrug things off and coach everyone else, no one really knew what to do, kinda funny in hindsight.

Ended up upping my meds again. Felt normal for maybe 2 hours before crashing. Warns me that this is not going to be good.

Worries me that i'll end up in the hospital again. Last time like this I ended up in the acute ward for nearly a week before locked ward.

Guess worries me it'll be that severe again and I'll survive.

Last time I lost my job over it.

guess just need to make sure it's final or don't try.

[tyme]

Can you take some time off @Saree ? Surely you will not be expected to work like this.

You need to take care of yourself. Work and jobs will always be there.

Hugs, tyme